It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race!

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“We are all born naked and the rest is Drag” – RuPaul

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race!

This is Ixavier Lasloth coming live from the Galaxy near you!

Our news team is currently orbiting a small bluish rock in the farthest corner of the known universe. We are here to observe the supposedly dominant occupants of this planet they have named “Earth”. These people seem to be involved in something called the “human race”, although as to where and when the race will take place is still unclear.

We are here to observe the ritualistic behaviour of this particular species, whose skin colour is varying from a pinkish hue to darker brown shade or sometimes even red. Some of them are covered in a thick fur like layer, while others remain neutral and satisfied in their original skin.

We are in disguise to avoid any panic our strange appearance may cause in the inhabitants.

Upon closer inspection, we can clearly detect at least two distinctive sexes, but there may be more.

Although most of these creatures seem to be content in their existence, some of them rebel against the existing norm. These individuals have ventured to live their lives with their own set of rules and formed tight knit groups and living off the radar. These “outsiders” worship their heroes in an almost religious fashion.

This exceptional behaviour is the reason, why this reporter landed on this forsaken rock and decided to have a closer look.

After making contact with some of these “radical groups”, we were fortunate enough to get invited to observe one of their many rituals. The core group and their followers call themselves “De-rag Q-ueens.

We were invited to observe their masking ritual, reserved for the most elite individuals of the group. The “males” as we got to know them were performing an age old ceremony named the “drag race”.

Observing the ritual to a fault, there is a strict regime to follow:

The first step is to apply a thick layer of paint on the face. The next step is to add a head piece, which seems like a construct of some sort of animal hair. These headpieces come in every imaginative colour of the rainbow. To complete the transformation, a garment weaved with glittering items is pulled over the top half of the body. The feet are covered with footwear constructed from a leathery material and with an added feature, which seems to give the wearer more height.

When the total transformation from “male” to “female” was complete, it was time to “put on a show”.

The Q-ueens lined up and started walking in orderly fashion on what seemed to be a structure of wooden planks they had named the “cat walk”. A rhythmic beat followed by electrical lights flashing caused the Q-ueens to start producing sounds from their throats causing melodic sounds coming out from their mouths. This ritual was of a repetitive nature, where the melodies and sounds varied depending on the individual performing them. The “show” continued and the partakers managed to change their attire several times over before the ceremony was over.

All in all while observing this religious ritual in all its glory, this reporter found oneself caught in the moment; cheering and applauding at the end of the ceremony, which luckily was the accepted social convention.

While trying to get more in-depth information as to what the origin of this particular ritual was, I was fortunate to interview one of the elders among them. And the message, quite clear and directly quoted:

“We may be born naked, but surely the rest needs to be drag”
In this reporter’s opinion, this may be one of the more successful stories of Earth.

Until next time, this is Ixavier Lasloth, signing off!

 

edna

Ode to My Little Car

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“Good things come in small sizes”

Ode to My Little Car

It was a tiny little thing
Not the prettiest of the lot
The name had a soft ring
Almost like a plot

Fiesta…
Siesta…

Round and round in paces
Could see the look on others faces
‘Surely that is not the car to buy’
‘To her money she would kiss goodbye’

Trying it on for size I did
Smiling like a little kid
Spite what others may have though
This car was surely bought

It wasn’t quite what expected
Less is not more, had to respect it

Tempted by a car with muscle
The salesman tried to hustle
Something made me turn to look
The little car had gotten me hooked

Back and forth I went
Trying not to get bent
It was calling me I could hear
Trying hard not to get near

But
Fear not
Reason won in the end

After all
The muscle car was too tall
And lets face it
I got hitched

The tiny car was kin
All is well in the end

Lesson learned: Think big, buy small!

car3

From favourite TV character idolizing to borderline obsession

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“Everything is the same as always”

From favourite TV character idolizing to borderline obsession 

We all have our favourite TV shows and in them the characters we like, some more than others. And at some point the line between liking and obsession starts to disappear and then you realize it is time to wake up, put the kettle on, the cat out for a pee and admit ‘it’s just a TV show’!

It is generally believed the TV audiences do not want anything new and exciting. They want the same old plot twists and familiar characters to appear on their small screen every week. Major dynamics’ changes between the characters or the plotline may not go well with the viewers.

Let’s face it; for most people, it’s best everything to be as black and white as possible:

The good guy needs to wear ‘the white hat’ while the bad guy is all dressed in black. The Evil Lynn is a shapely brunet with blue eyes while the girl next door is a brown-eyed blond and for heaven’s sake: Leave the gays in the closet!

I like to think myself more of a gray kind of person. That being said, this is what happened for one of my top favourite shows:

I usually try to avoid reading anything on the world wide web regarding the shows and fandom or what the actors behind the characters are like or what else they do, but for some reason I went online and googled this particular show.

Much to my dismay, I read some alarming changes to be happening in said show and after reading was close to a panic attack!

No way in hell was I going to accept these changes! It was completely off for the characters!

This ranting went on first in my head (and I might have said it out loud even a few times) and later went on and on about it in familiar company (not that anyone understood what I was on about and why I was so upset over a TV show).

So what happened is that instead of being excited about a new episode and watching it on the allotted timeslot I taped the show and did not dare to watch it.

Almost a whole week went by until I finally broke down and watched the episode. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I lead myself to understand from what I read on the Internet, but it wasn’t good either.

In the end I got over it and real life won 😉 The series still remains among my favourites, I watch it and try not to get too attached to the characters. After all, it’s only a fictional television show.

The lesson learned:

If you don’t like what you are watching, I can see three options available for you:

  1. Turn off the TV
  2. Live with the writers’ decisions
  3. Write a better story

tv

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, and some more Coffee…

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“There really is no life before the first pot of coffee in the morning”

 

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee and some more Coffee…

Since the dawn of time when humans first dropped down from the trees and started walking, their first trip must have been to the closest Starbucks for some coffee.

Remember the classic film “2001: A Space Odyssey” and first scene where the prehistoric man is bewildered when a big black block lands before him? What if instead of the monolith a giant cup of coffee would have landed? I think we would have evolved much faster and would be more advanced today if that would have been the case 😉

But let’s move forward in time and to present day.

I have dropped in a quite a few suggestions (read request) in our office “suggestion box“: Add to the list of necessary office supplies an IV drop filled with coffee. Each worker would then be hooked into the IV every morning and during the day; a dedicated person would circulate around the office and re-fill the empty ones.

But seriously, coffee is the one good drug that keeps this world up and running. Here is an example of an ordinary working day:

1st cup: 06.00 AM: Eyes barely open reaching for my glasses on the night stand sniffing for that precious aroma. Nothing yet! Half running downstairs praying the automated coffee maker has not suffered from any kind of electrical stroke during the night and my coffee would be there waiting for me.

It is! Hallelujah let the day begin!

2nd cup: 06.20 AM: Morning ablutions behind me, standing fully clothed ready to take off to work, gulping the second cup of coffee while reaching for the door.

3rd cup: 07.00 AM: In the office, turning on the coffee machine before even reaching for the lights in the darkened office. Impatiently waiting while the machine is making its morning sounds before I can insert my coffee capsule into the damned thing and get my coffee (Note: It’s a double shot just to make sure I don’t run out before I can tackle today’s pile of work).

4th to 6th cup: 08.00 to 11.00 AM: A steady flow of “double shots” for each cup to keep up the pace of the day and a smile on my face.

7th cup: 11.30 AM: A cup of coffee to complement a tasty lunch, of course 😉

8th to 9th cup: 12.00 PM to 02.00 PM: One for each scheduled meeting for the afternoon.

10th (to 11th) cup: 02.15 PM: It is finally time for the afternoon coffee break! (In reality this is a very large cup so guess it counts for two or more…).

12th cup: 03.00 PM: Last squeeze (and cup of coffee) before the day’s work is done!

13th cup: 04.00 PM: Time to leave for home, one more for the road…

14th to Umpteenth cup: 05.00 PM to Midnight: After a full day of work, I managed a full hour of exercise, went grocery shopping and vacuumed the whole house. Albeit I was so perked up from all the coffee I managed to get to bed early (around 2 AM) after cleaning a few closets and taking the dog out three times during the evening for a brisk walk and of course, having a cup of coffee here and there; P

The lesson learned: There is no such thing as too much coffee!

 

By the way, last time I had my yearly check up at the doctors, the conclusion was: there was far too much blood in my caffeine circulation!

 

coffee

A quick trip to the supermarket

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“All the well laid plans”

A quick trip to the supermarket

I had planned to do my shopping for the week and finish working early to avoid the rush hour. Unfortunately my boss had other ideas: A rush job, which needed to be done urgently, today.

So, I changed my plans and stayed late. Guess my boss was the one with the bigger plan this time.

When I finally managed to sneak out, I got into my car and drove into the street. I had arrived just in time for the traffic jam! An endless sea of cars back to back with no way in or out from the roundabout. Well, I did not get to go to the carnival last time they were in town, so guess I could enjoy myself in a merry-go-round for a while, listening to my favourite tunes on the radio.

After a while the traffic had hardly moved an inch since I joined and the music station was more talk than tunes. Guess the radio station had the bigger plan this time.

I finally arrived at the supermarket after driving in a back-to-back traffic for much longer than I had planned to and was running late.

Now it was time for plan B: Park the car, get in and out from the store as quickly as possible and shop only what was on my well planned shopping list!

There were a few hick-ups in that plan: The car park was jammed and after circling it for the third or fourth time, I managed to get in time to queue in to a spot when another car was leaving. Secondly, all the shopping trolleys were in use.

While looking around I managed to find one standing there all by its lonesome. I soon found out why: When I pushed the trolley trying to move it to the right, the trolley went the opposite direction. Lastly, I had forgotten the well-planned shopping list on the kitchen table while leaving to work in a hurry when a well-planned morning had failed due to an unplanned phone call.

Well laid plans and all…

I finally got inside the store and was now moving towards the section where they sold the “home made cooking” type meals. I could already taste a well-grilled chicken in my mouth and made plans in my head on how to accessorize the dish. When it was my turn at the counter, and with a big grin made a request to purchase the chicken, there was nothing left but pork.

And so it was time for plan C: Go to the frozen food section and choose a chicken pizza.

After shopping was done and I had maneuvered my way out through the crowds of shoppers with my rickety trolley I finally reached the cash register. The customer before me put something on the conveyor belt that immediately caught my eye: ‘Closed, please move on to the next available register‘.

And then it was time for plan D. I moved to another register at the end of a very long line.

I was finally done with my shopping and heading towards the escalator on my way down to the parking lot. When I reached it, I noticed people pushing and pulling, some even lifting their trolleys. The reason was soon revealed to me, the escalator had stopped working and people were jammed in it and trying their hardest to get forward on the sticky non-moving machine.

So it was time for plan E: Take the lift.

After queuing for a lift ride for much longer than anticipated, I finally managed to get to my car, drive home and eat my frozen pizza. Did not enjoy it as much as I would have a well-cooked meal, but I was well-fed and ready to start planning my next day.

The lesson learned here is, you don’t always have to have a plan or be prepared for every situation. Live a little and remember that sometimes it’s good to just go with the flow.

As for myself, I still keep making my everyday plans!

Let the rantings begin!

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Let the rantings begin!

The old adage ‘Life is something, that happens when you are busy making other plans’ applies in most situations. Whether it is something you planned for the day or a bigger plan like your career from the time you finished school and started work life, the one thing you can be sure of is that nothing will go exactly the way you planned.

Rather than dwelling on the bigger plan, I would like to share some of the day-to-day experiences and how the adage ‘Well begun is half done’ does not always add up!

Sometimes something as simple as buying groceries may end up being a little more than you bargained for…