Posted in BEST OF 2016
What after all, is a halo?
It’s only one more thing to keep clean”
Christopher Fry
The Halo Effect
What a surprise
Up in the skies
The sun got its halo
She was trying to lay low
But somehow
She was found
And awarded
With a ring of light
Shining ever so bright
Posted in BEST OF 2016
Some Social Media Bullshit
You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!
Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!
* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!
A typical modern person’s day
@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?
#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:
A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email
@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:
#uploadfunnypic
A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.
@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:
A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.
@Coffee break everyone is:
A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.
Back home from the office.
@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:
A-F apply here too.
@Midnight, bedtime:
A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone
#g’night!
Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.
Wishing your spouse
#sweet dreams xoxo
Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?”
Monday, Bloody Monday
Monday, bloody Monday
It is certainly not my fun day
Still five days until Friday
This could well be my die day
My calendar filled with meetings
No time for eating
Feeling like cheating
When trying to catch a break for peeing
No use in struggle or fighting
Almost worse than being struck by a lightning
Dealing with the disappointment
Because there is no ointment
Another working week has started
From my leisure time I was parted
Doing my best to survive
Just wishing to keep in the drive
Tell me, do I really hate Mondays
Or is it just the illusion of a fading Sunday?
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“A short story is something that you can hold in your mind.
You can really analyze how the entire thing works, like a machine”
Chuck Palahniuk
The White Cat in a Hat
The little white cat
With a black hat
Was taking a nap
On the kitchen mat
Her tail all curled
As she softly purred
Oblivious to the world
As it around her whirled
Something made her stir
Looking up with a stare
Straight up stood her fur
As she took off in a blur
The hat off tore
Landed on the floor
The cat was out the door
Heard was a loud roar
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“Coffee – the finest organic suspension ever devised.
It’s got me through the worst of the last three years.
I beat the Borg with it”
Captain Kathryn Janeway
The Four Options Of Coffee
1) Good
2) OK
3) Drinkable
4) Yak
How to recognize bad coffee:
1) Looks like tea, doesn’t taste like tea and certainly not like any coffee you’ve ever tasted!
2) Sticky gooey stuff sticks on your tongue: Looks like tar, tastes like tar!
3) Your face twitches in a funny way: Not funny good, but funny bad.
4) Coffee with milk: Except when it’s ice coffee, with lots of coffee, a little ice and hardly any milk.
You know it’s an excellent cup when the coffee is:
1) Black.
2) The spoon melts in it before you manage to stir.
3) You have a burned after taste in your mouth for several hours after your last cup of the day.
4) It’s ten o’clock in the evening and you are still drinking it.
Note: Why you would actually stop drinking coffee at any hour is beyond me!
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
Coffee, by any other name
“What’s in a name?
That which we call, coffee,
By any other name,
Would smell as sweet;”
The sweetest of aroma,
From every cafe in Roma
Bringing you to your knees,
When on a walkabout, in Paris
A cup of Java
A cup of Joe
Darker than molten lava
Just let the liquid flow!
Because,
Coffee, by any other name…
Well, it’s all coffee,
Really,
And all coffee
Is good,
Just
Drink,
Enjoy,
And be merry
And sooner than later
Have another cup
Then some more,
Maybe one more,
For the road,
To get off the load,
Take away,
Now you’re talking,
Just keep on walking
Another cafe
Is bound to
Come along!
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“There are four basic food groups:
milk chocolate, dark chocolate,
white chocolate, and chocolate truffles”
Chocolate is The Answer, Who Cares What the Question is!
You may be iconic
But also diabolic
It’s quite symbolic
To call me a ‘holic
But still I frolic
When I get glycogenic
Pining for your taste
Of the full flavour laced
With truffles
My mouth muffled
When I eat
My favourite treat
My life in dire straits
Would be
Without the traits
You offer me
Oh sweet Chocolate
Thee
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate” Jo Brand
My Little Piece of Heaven
There is just
something about you
I am in lust
And only for you
I am finding it impossible
to stay away
Highly improbable
Anything would keep me at bay
I lost you
Luckily
I found you
My little bit of Heaven
By sweet sweet
I am up to seven
My one and only treat
My sweet chocolate bar
In a serial package
You didn’t venture too far
When I was tracking
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“I no longer believe in the Easter Bunny,
and I’m beginning to wonder about Santa Claus.
But I believe wholeheartedly in 47”
Sarah Dolinar
Forty-Seven: The Culprit
Maybe I am an alien
With a devilish plan
“Hello, I am Specialist 47
Delighted to make your acquaintance
Please find attached my credentials
For some mind maintenance”
Resident of Earth since 1947
Successfull mind melds, total of 47 000 000 047
47 more years to beat
Until my mission is complete
My contact information
4747 Galaxy Boulevard
A short promenade
A right down the hall
Or give me a call
My mobile number 555-4747
Thank you for your confirmation
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“I no longer believe in the Easter Bunny,
and I’m beginning to wonder about Santa Claus.
But I believe wholeheartedly in 47”
Sarah Dolinar
Forty-Seven: The Proof
The time is now, 00.47
Roswell 1947
Film, 47 Minutes
Waterford Greenwich 47-piece Flatware Set
Exit 47
47 followers
London Bus Routes – 47/N47
4711 Eau de toilette
Level 47 Walkthrough
Agent 47
47 Ronin
U.S. Code › Title 47
The 47 Society
47 likes on Facebook page
47 mints in the box
Rantings Of A Third Kind 