Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless little bitch aren’t thee, I know you are!

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“I thought the whole point of growing older was to grow wiser, not wider! The first thing ain’t happening but the second one sure is! Goodness knows we are so lacking wisdom in this world, so what gives???” Gun Roswell

Oh Gravity!

I trusted you, ya know
I thought we were the best of friends
Forever I mean, heaven sent and all that jazz of a kink
But ya sure fooled me, didn’t ya!
Cause this ain’t no ship, friend or otherwise!
And I’ll bet my shiny fat derrière you’re sitting out there somewhere
Laughing your respective one off just ’cause I’m getting all the wider!

Didn’t I do all the things ya requested?
Ya know, when I was so much younger and…. Well?
Fasted, toned, honed, ran, whatever fad there was I did do to keep things… fit?
Having them perky edges, standing rather than never around to sit?Starving more likely!
No liquor, no snacks, no sweets, certainly less food… no nuttin’!
Not one single good thing consumed, just illin’!

And so, finally, here is were I stopped
The age slowly seeping in and I ain’t singing!

So yeah, wider!

Gravity, you’re now pullin’ me every which way
Cannot seem to keep my body in one single shape?

Most days waking up with a loud huff and puff
Feeling like a broken down collectable doll or some such
Fitting each part to their constraints
The shatnerish contraptions holding me together in on place
Pulling, pushing, squeezing, nudging, whatever trick to simply fit!
Finally managing to a somewhat of a human form
Guess not really the regular or the norm

But what the hey!
If I can still stand up straight, do the walk
Then yeah, I beat you!
At least for this day!

Some Social Media Bullshit Like That

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‘Connecting people – The artist formerly known as Nokia’

“Are we really connected?” Gun Roswell

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day 

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

Happy Valentine’s Day? Why not?

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Happy Valentine’s Day? Why not?

The love shared upon this day might be a little bit  overwhelming
At least for a soul somewhat having prepared to be their precious time alone spending 
Alas, when entering the glorious and often times anonymous World Wide Web
The eyes are certainly fixed on the plethora of greetings and wishes there sent
By he colourful tableau of cards in bits and bytes capturing cuteness without a strife
A true representation of the ongoing life?

Well, I guess it is all just… well… fine?

As this day is supposed to be for lovers and all kinds of friends 
Sharing all their devotion, those pesky emotions and feelings with a note and a possible present 
Yet, I cannot help but feel some kind of opposite way much to my dismay 
Of all this affection on this day out there on display 

So, guess my point of it all to make
Was not that it’s all just fake
Rather, yes have your day and eat your cake 
Mr Valentine, whomever you were, given us the name 
Is all good to me, but please
If you truly care, never your words of love spare
State them out each and every single day
To those closest to your heart, chilly or not
As that is truly the right way

Life is not perfect

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“Life is not perfect and neither am I “ Gun Roswell

Life is not perfect

Every day a pretty smile for the camera
This target requires loads of stamina
Acting, pretending, life is just dandy
Secretly crying, and eating that last piece of candy

Money may be tight, cannot afford the evening light
Eating the neighbour’s leftovers, dug up from the bio trash bin, not such a sin
Living life to the fullest, only to find out you’re the dullest
Watching pictures from friends on the Instagram, basking in the sun of a foreign land

Realising all the best laid plans, went down the drain, with the spring rain
Making up the perfect image, the best produced scam, imagined anyone can
Acting, playing the part, none of the wiser, but you are the biggest lier
Facade so permanent, face turning into stone, sooner or later it will reach your bones

Wake up, before it is too late
Learn, to not yourself to hate
Life is not perfect and neither are you
You thought different, but you are the biggest fool

After all, you are a just a tiny ball, in the worldwide game of pinball
Thrown against the walls, like everyone else, and sooner or later, everyone falls
You can try to stall, play a different song
But none of us are strong, it’s all just pretend

The smell of sweet Coffee

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“Coffee, by any other name” Gun Roswell

The smell of sweet Coffee

That, sweetest of smells
Myself, totally sells
Oh, let’s no longer dwell
Or at each other hatefully yell

But go get, what’s at the end of, that rainbow, which looks and smells, so adorable

Because, all I know for sure
Is that, the world go for a hurl
My hair would wind into curls
If I don’t get my cup of pure

Gold, dark, sustenance
Made of the finest materials
The smell so sweet and extravagant
It gives me the soul reason for existence

Coffee, by any other name, would smell as sweet

My command functions are off-line

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“All command functions are off-line, which usually happens during most days”Gun Roswell

My command functions are off-line

It is, thirty one degrees
Sunshine as far as the eye can see
Hot in the house, hot out side
Contemplating on the dilemma divide

It is summer and July
Should I stay indoors or go outside
Sitting slack by the air cooler divine
And if I don’t move, I am feeling just fine

Alas, it is summer, the time of fun, outside in the warming sun
But, once trying to feel the air with a pinky
Opening the door, the heatwave hits me
Why this is unnatural and does not fit me

There is no way for a northerner to survive
In that weather of plus degrees, remaining alive
When we were built more suited for the opposite scale
And in minus thirty degrees prevail

Slouching in my chair, without any thought or care
I really though it was best to share
Before falling into complete despair
And soon, all my command functions are gone totally offline

Social Media? It’s a social construct I assume?

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“I used to twat a lot, until the bird was crushed, by an the letter x no less” Gun Roswell

Social Media? It’s a social construct I assume?

I the platform formerly known as twitter
Had suddenly found themselves in a bit of a pickle
The users always having been quite fickle
Suddenly the lot of them turning bitter!

Those crowds, always oh so very loud
Finding their consolation in other places
Regrouping the darkest corners of the internets
But those kinds of places usually have bad effects
 
 So, what now to do, when the option is to lose
All those mostly faceless and anonymous friends of the world?
The shared memories of whatever topic, fandom or chat disappearing
Into the bits and bytes unknown heaven?

Maybe pick up a book or go out for a walk?
Maybe even spend some time with the family estranged and distraught
Just a few suggestions to rid of the anxiety caused by the FOMO kicking in
The fear of missing out an all those unimportant and useless things!

Becuase the bird have finally flown out of its nest
Most likely dropped out with a stone as though like a pest
Now the big corporation ruling the world, or so I’ve heard
Surely not a surprise, even if not nice, alas, just try, to breathe

The world really did not end, now did it?

Pink friend

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“Friends of many colours” Gun Roswell

Pink friend

Sometimes friends come in many shapesSometimes even their colours may vary
Sometimes you may be lucky to have a double set
Sometimes you’ll end up with just one really good friend 

But, never you mind, just try always to be kind And never, ever stop trying
Be open and inviting in the world so wide
And who knows where those friends you’ll find 

Twitter? What’s going on?

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“To tweet, to twat, to what the frack! Too many messages to send, too much time on the internets of things to spend, oh Twitter, thou art a heartless bitch!“ Gun Roswell

Twitter? What’s going on?

Hello!

Hello?

Hello!!!

Twitter world?

Is this thing on?

Can you hear me?

Is there an echo in here?


Testing, testing, testing…

I can see you…

What’s wrong?

Don’t you like me anymore?

Why are you doing this to me?

Did I do something wrong?

Oh Twitter!

I just wanted to say… hello?

So why are you avoiding me?

Sure, my last twat might have been… strong…

I may have said… some things… something wrong…

But hey! 

I wasn’t the only one!

The others did too!

Yeah, I know, I know…

Excuses.

I am  full of them.

But, please, just, pretty please?

Can we still be friends?

Because I don’t really want this to end.

We’ve been good for so long?

And I felt this, well, relationship…

Well guess I thought it was growing strong?

So, I hope you can forgive me?

*only silence in response*

Fine! Fine!

I have a confession to make!

It’s a doozy, a big one for sure to take!

…

I cannot live without you!!!!

Too much stuff to do, too little energy to do it!

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“There are always things on the to-do list pending, always!” Gun Roswell

Too much stuff to do, too little energy to do it!

Chores, tasks, gigs, jobs, whatever you might them wanna call, they seem to be of an endless supply, but, never one to shy away from a challenge, still, where is the time for it all, and should I care any less?

The planner always full, with something or another to do, never the time for rest, even for the best, not that I am claiming to be one, but it would be nice, at least for once, to have a completely empty desk with a cleared up calendar!

So, guess I will do nothing to day, as there is just too much there, I would not even know where to begin, and hey, if it is a sin, to just slack for a day, then fine, I am a mega big sinner, so go ahead, on me, lay all the blame!