Custom made

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”B*tch, please!” Gun Roswell


I was made for you to hate,
There is no need for me that further to explain
And yet, I cannot resist telling you all of this
The recipe quite simple not to exist

Add:

A little dirt, some salt, hint of water and lots of plastic,
Place them in a mould, then simply, fold
Bake it all in a really big oven, 
Hopefully, something soon starts showing

A recipe might not as refined as that, which in the end, is just fine, oh snap!

I am here for all of you to peruse,
Completely made of plastic, certainty elastic 
One in a million, but somehow unique like a billion

I may come from a top shelf
But still manage to be oh so very custom made

Deal with it 😛

Hell just might be empty, with all them nasty devils running amok on this plane of existence!

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“Things, affairs , all of it, might be wrong, a lot of them are, but, giving up hope, was never an option, never part of the grand plan either. Was it?“ Gun Roswell

“It’s hell out there! Surely we had some time to spare before it was about to happen I swear!” Someone exclaimed having taken a spun around the neighbourhood, having found it no fun at all.

“Have you seen the latest news?” Another one asked confused of the times. “It’s murder and mayhem for sure and that is the awful truth!”

“I don’t leave my house anymore. Just because it’s such a chore.” The third one chimed, certainly they were not feeling so fine. “Putting all them gear on, the armour or whatnot, just to feel safe and even then you cannot be sure.”

“The kids are all home schooled now, not that its of any use. Them all hanging on their game girls and fun stations, twatting about it all on the internets of things. Such misuse of the time. All of it wasted for sure. But the lure of it all is too much to ignore.” The mum from across the street shouted from the open window, never ever daring to leave her home.

“Truly is sad all of it. In the olden days, well, everything was so much sunnier, funnier, lighter and brighter. And now, it’s all such shades of greys.” A not so old person retorted to the others, from a safe distance but of course.

“Yeah, hell has certainly arrived to our small corner of the world. Then again, what did we expect with all them devils running around in our streets. But we did invite them here didn’t we?” And with that there was no rhyme to be seen, simply a comment of how things had turned out to be.

Thinking hard?

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“Thinking hard or hardly moving one thought? Brain empty, no matter, another one can be bought?” Gun Roswell

Mind in full spin-cycle

As my thoughts its trying to tackle

I feel like i am about to chuckle

But then lost in another puzzle

My brain is trying to hustle

This little Brain of Mine won’t let me sleep!

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“Something certainly rattling up there… Could it be… a thought perhaps?” Gun Roswell

This, tiny, useful brain of mine
Thinks, it is, doing just fine
It keeps on going and going and going
Even though my body yearns for slowing
Down at night, well… sometimes
And some other times
Too needs, to rewind

So, I ask you nicely
Please be kind
Shut down
Every once in a while
Let me sleep
Dream real deep
And maybe a later
I will reward you with a nice state of
Quiz and debate

Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless little bitch aren’t thee, I know you are!

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“I thought the whole point of growing older was to grow wiser, not wider! The first thing ain’t happening but the second one sure is! Goodness knows we are so lacking wisdom in this world, so what gives???” Gun Roswell

Oh Gravity!

I trusted you, ya know
I thought we were the best of friends
Forever I mean, heaven sent and all that jazz of a kink
But ya sure fooled me, didn’t ya!
Cause this ain’t no ship, friend or otherwise!
And I’ll bet my shiny fat derrière you’re sitting out there somewhere
Laughing your respective one off just ’cause I’m getting all the wider!

Didn’t I do all the things ya requested?
Ya know, when I was so much younger and…. Well?
Fasted, toned, honed, ran, whatever fad there was I did do to keep things… fit?
Having them perky edges, standing rather than never around to sit?Starving more likely!
No liquor, no snacks, no sweets, certainly less food… no nuttin’!
Not one single good thing consumed, just illin’!

And so, finally, here is were I stopped
The age slowly seeping in and I ain’t singing!

So yeah, wider!

Gravity, you’re now pullin’ me every which way
Cannot seem to keep my body in one single shape?

Most days waking up with a loud huff and puff
Feeling like a broken down collectable doll or some such
Fitting each part to their constraints
The shatnerish contraptions holding me together in on place
Pulling, pushing, squeezing, nudging, whatever trick to simply fit!
Finally managing to a somewhat of a human form
Guess not really the regular or the norm

But what the hey!
If I can still stand up straight, do the walk
Then yeah, I beat you!
At least for this day!

Some Social Media Bullshit Like That

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‘Connecting people – The artist formerly known as Nokia’

“Are we really connected?” Gun Roswell

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day 

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

Happy Valentine’s Day? Why not?

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Happy Valentine’s Day? Why not?

The love shared upon this day might be a little bit  overwhelming
At least for a soul somewhat having prepared to be their precious time alone spending 
Alas, when entering the glorious and often times anonymous World Wide Web
The eyes are certainly fixed on the plethora of greetings and wishes there sent
By he colourful tableau of cards in bits and bytes capturing cuteness without a strife
A true representation of the ongoing life?

Well, I guess it is all just… well… fine?

As this day is supposed to be for lovers and all kinds of friends 
Sharing all their devotion, those pesky emotions and feelings with a note and a possible present 
Yet, I cannot help but feel some kind of opposite way much to my dismay 
Of all this affection on this day out there on display 

So, guess my point of it all to make
Was not that it’s all just fake
Rather, yes have your day and eat your cake 
Mr Valentine, whomever you were, given us the name 
Is all good to me, but please
If you truly care, never your words of love spare
State them out each and every single day
To those closest to your heart, chilly or not
As that is truly the right way

Life is not perfect

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“Life is not perfect and neither am I “ Gun Roswell

Life is not perfect

Every day a pretty smile for the camera
This target requires loads of stamina
Acting, pretending, life is just dandy
Secretly crying, and eating that last piece of candy

Money may be tight, cannot afford the evening light
Eating the neighbour’s leftovers, dug up from the bio trash bin, not such a sin
Living life to the fullest, only to find out you’re the dullest
Watching pictures from friends on the Instagram, basking in the sun of a foreign land

Realising all the best laid plans, went down the drain, with the spring rain
Making up the perfect image, the best produced scam, imagined anyone can
Acting, playing the part, none of the wiser, but you are the biggest lier
Facade so permanent, face turning into stone, sooner or later it will reach your bones

Wake up, before it is too late
Learn, to not yourself to hate
Life is not perfect and neither are you
You thought different, but you are the biggest fool

After all, you are a just a tiny ball, in the worldwide game of pinball
Thrown against the walls, like everyone else, and sooner or later, everyone falls
You can try to stall, play a different song
But none of us are strong, it’s all just pretend

The smell of sweet Coffee

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“Coffee, by any other name” Gun Roswell

The smell of sweet Coffee

That, sweetest of smells
Myself, totally sells
Oh, let’s no longer dwell
Or at each other hatefully yell

But go get, what’s at the end of, that rainbow, which looks and smells, so adorable

Because, all I know for sure
Is that, the world go for a hurl
My hair would wind into curls
If I don’t get my cup of pure

Gold, dark, sustenance
Made of the finest materials
The smell so sweet and extravagant
It gives me the soul reason for existence

Coffee, by any other name, would smell as sweet

My command functions are off-line

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“All command functions are off-line, which usually happens during most days”Gun Roswell

My command functions are off-line

It is, thirty one degrees
Sunshine as far as the eye can see
Hot in the house, hot out side
Contemplating on the dilemma divide

It is summer and July
Should I stay indoors or go outside
Sitting slack by the air cooler divine
And if I don’t move, I am feeling just fine

Alas, it is summer, the time of fun, outside in the warming sun
But, once trying to feel the air with a pinky
Opening the door, the heatwave hits me
Why this is unnatural and does not fit me

There is no way for a northerner to survive
In that weather of plus degrees, remaining alive
When we were built more suited for the opposite scale
And in minus thirty degrees prevail

Slouching in my chair, without any thought or care
I really though it was best to share
Before falling into complete despair
And soon, all my command functions are gone totally offline