“Older and wiser! My ass! I think older and wider is more apt, literally, just look at it!” Gun Roswell
Older and definitely wider (never wiser)
Each and every morning I am going through the exact same boring routine As I observe myself from the bathroom mirror, the image worse each day to be seen All the smile caused wrinkles and here I am placing the sarcastic pair of air quotes Well, the could be quite distinguished and simply more than fine But it’s the other parts, which bother more as you see they are getting more and more wide Except, well, the smile, which gets more narrow to the point of a beak of a sparrow Smaller and duller and not like those other mentioned places, which are getting fuller and fuller The old adage, some people still dare to say, that of getting wisdom with age? Only it is a total sham and worse of it all is, that it came with cans of spam! And of course I dared myself and ate the whole huge damned lot So now I am neither the winner of the pot and I think I likely ran out of luck As I am getting much older now, only not as I had hoped, the kind of wiser But definitely with each and every passing day, I will be the more wider!
“Those voices, in my head, are plotting, once again, and I’m about to find out what it is, soon enough” Gun Roswell
Them voices (in my very own head)
All the loud sounds and constant chatter, in my poor mind, do clatter The small world inside of my head, a unique ecosystem, and instead Of letting me sit her in quiet esteem, seem to be letting, it all free And having a ball, on this day I was supposed to have a very short Break of it all, alas, they, living inside, do, beg to differ in the decision I made And now they are all singing and shouting and all the bad jokes sprouting A full on cacophony, I say out loud, to those, close by, who cannot be swayed Of the inner voices, inside of my very own scrambled brain, and, it’s always, the same An outside argument and an internal turmoil, leaving me, to completely and utterly boil Why oh why, did I think, today of all days, would be any different, so to my friends Up there having, such a ball: shut up, so I can have an entitled and a very small Pause, a breather, a nap even, anything at all to stall, but not an argument with either Those out here and you all, inside there, as I just want some time of total QUIET! For a little while at least, while I am lying here, trying, to relax, in my own, stratosphere
But the it all goes so quiet, even those outside are looking at me without smiling And I know something is going on, for this is never good, the silence after all Because then, I don’t really hear, what they ALL, are most certainly against me plotting And I know one thing, it’s never, ever good, to be, in total silence, and thinking So, please, I beg of you all, make some noice, anything at all, for I, am getting bored
“Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion”
Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!
“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.
“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.
“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.
Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”
“Or the one!” Emma added.
Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.
***
I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.
Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.
“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.
I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.
“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.
“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.
‘Boss, hit, guns?!’
Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.
The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.
“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.
“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.
“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.
She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”
The man just nodded.
“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”
Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.
And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.
Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!
***
Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.
“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.
“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend. “Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.
Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.
“Guys? I am dying here!”
“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.
“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.
“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”
Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.
“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.
“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.
“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”
“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.
You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!
Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!
* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one * Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am * Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right? * Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P * Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop! * You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!
A typical modern person’s day
@In the morning The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up. What is the first thing you do?
#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:
A) Check your social media apps B) Check your email
@Driving in the car to your place of work. Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:
#uploadfunnypic
A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you). B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.
@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:
A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!) B) Updating statuses on various social media apps. C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite). D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table. E) Everyone watching the video. F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.
@Coffee break everyone is:
A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume. B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.
Back home from the office.
@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:
A-F apply here too.
@Midnight, bedtime:
A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”. B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.) C) Twatting everyone
#g’night!
Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.
Wishing your spouse
#sweet dreams xoxo
Lesson learnt: Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.
“My little pretty red gloves bring me joy and warmth; after all it is winter or at least, it started once again, surprise!” Gun Roswell
Red Leather Gloves
“This is when the gloves come off!” She stated with a huff and added a puff.
Throwing down the protective shielding onto the ground, she was about to defy all beliefs of what would happen when exposing yourself to the elements.
It was that time of the year, when the cold season had taken over. There was no hiding from the white powdery substance covering most of the northern world. The only thing to do to survive was to put as much woven garments on top of the skin as possible. The degrees sinking down below zero in the tens, sometimes even hundreds, this season lasted for a length of six moons.
But those damn gloves! How they irritated her, especially today. They were always in the way. Grabbing things was not easy, not to mention holding a big rugged shovel.
She looked at the discarded gloves laying on the ground. Red against the whitest of snow. Pretty were they, she thought and kept staring at them, while her fingers were getting numb. Finally, as beckoning her, she scooped the offending hand garments from the pile of snow, pulled them on and admired the colour and the feel of them.
Once again, she was very, very happy in her gorgeous red leather gloves.
“All kinds of witches are about, usually all year long, but especially on Easter!” Gun Roswell
The Three Witches of Easter
The three witches from some-wick Never mind with They ain’t winning no beauty contests To that many can attest
But ugly can be an asset Especially for the wickedness Scaring folks and cattle Just by showing up tattle
After all, this is a holy ball For all the witch kind And if you any of them find Then try to stir to the right As the witches always drive On the left hand side
“In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours” Mark Twain
Spring kind of weather, it really is!
The grass, looking oh so green It is finally that time, the time of spring All them colourful birds, do so loudly sing…
But, then, Out of the total and unexpected blue Bigger than life, some of them football size (honestly!) Totally white and really cold snowballs From the now greyed out open skies, start to fall
WTF?
Well, you expected a change in the weather And, this, this is certainly spring kind of weather!
“The bangs are too long, when they stop only at your nose, then it’s time for a trim” Gun Roswell
Need a Haircut
When the hair just keeps on growing And it is, way past that time of showing Soon enough, some scissors need to be into the mix throwing Certainly, will not be as easy, as lawn mowing
But if you really want a trim of the layers of multiple hair Then better yourself adventure to some hair specific fare Where the barbers will there be plenty of Choosing should be easy without much of a scoff
Finally loosing all that winter filled hair wool The feeling of lightness will totally and utterly fool you As the hair so heavy, is all but a memory forgotten With a new spring in your step, towards the summer you’ll be hopping
Rantings Of A Third Kind 