Humour
Posted in Daily Photo
“I am both happy and sad at the same time,
and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
― Stephen Chbosky
From Sad to Glad
Glad
Sometimes
Life smiles
And the frown
Turns upside down…
Ok, so, this is some mandarins, an apple and a banana
Didn’t really think I could have fooled ‘ya!
So just go ahead and smile!
Posted in Daily Photo
“When the seagulls follow the trawler,
t is because they think
sardines will be thrown into the sea”
Eric Cantona
Seagulls
“Are you looking at me?”
The seagull retorted angrily
“If you did not bring a fish,
Then on a secret I will not dish,
Nor will I grant you any wish!”
“Are you a bird or a genie?”
The passerby asked,
Bewildered, of the seagull’s comment
“What on earth are you on about?
I was just flapping my snout,
What ever comes out
Never you give a doubt!”
The seagull sarcastically responded
“I, I,”
The passerby stammered,
“I just thought…
“You people with the thinking!
Don’t think, just do!”
“Oh, ok then!
I wish
For a juicy fish
And a side dish
Of a salad!”
“Wish noted
Wish may
Or may not be realized.
It’s hard to say
With these modern
Wishing machines.
Now,
Move along,
Nothing else here to see,
Just enjoying the sun,
Trying to get a tan,
So, move along!”
Posted in Daily Photo
“When the seagulls follow the trawler,
t is because they think
sardines will be thrown into the sea”
Eric Cantona
Seagulls
“Is this a band I do see?
A band of seagulls?
Perhaps, a Flock of Seagulls?”
“A smart guy, eh?
Whatcha looking at?
Never seen a few birds flock?
And now, now you want us to rock?
Very well,
If this will sell
Then let’s all
Have a rock ‘n’ roll ball!”
Then, the band started playing
A band made of birds
Birds called seagulls
A flock of seagulls…
Posted in Daily Incidents
“So, Monday, we meet again!”
Monday: We meet again!
I knew you were trouble
As soon as I met you
Like the space telescope Hubble
Or a kid without shoes
I would be completely lost
If I didn’t have you
Yeah, what would a week be
Without us to curse thee
Because it can only get better
After a Mon-dee
Posted in Freaky Friday
Happy Friday The Thirteenth!
“A black cat crossing your path:
Usually signifies,
that the animal is going somewhere”
Groucho Marx
Posted in Mundane Monday : Photography /Poetry /Humour
“I like to make the mundane fabulous whenever I can”
Rufus Wainwright
Skylight
Feels like a spaceship
Or a really weird trip
The glassy skylight
With ites sky so bright
Posted in BEST OF 2016
Some Social Media Bullshit
You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!
Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!
* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!
A typical modern person’s day
@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?
#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:
A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email
@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:
#uploadfunnypic
A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.
@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:
A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.
@Coffee break everyone is:
A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.
Back home from the office.
@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:
A-F apply here too.
@Midnight, bedtime:
A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone
#g’night!
Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.
Wishing your spouse
#sweet dreams xoxo
Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so near to Monday?”
Monday, Bloody Monday
Monday, bloody Monday
It is certainly not my fun day
Still five days until Friday
This could well be my die day
My calendar filled with meetings
No time for eating
Feeling like cheating
When trying to catch a break for peeing
No use in struggle or fighting
Almost worse than being struck by a lightning
Dealing with the disappointment
Because there is no ointment
Another working week has started
From my leisure time I was parted
Doing my best to survive
Just wishing to keep in the drive
Tell me, do I really hate Mondays
Or is it just the illusion of a fading Sunday?
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“Coffee – the finest organic suspension ever devised.
It’s got me through the worst of the last three years.
I beat the Borg with it”
Captain Kathryn Janeway
The Four Options Of Coffee
1) Good
2) OK
3) Drinkable
4) Yak
How to recognize bad coffee:
1) Looks like tea, doesn’t taste like tea and certainly not like any coffee you’ve ever tasted!
2) Sticky gooey stuff sticks on your tongue: Looks like tar, tastes like tar!
3) Your face twitches in a funny way: Not funny good, but funny bad.
4) Coffee with milk: Except when it’s ice coffee, with lots of coffee, a little ice and hardly any milk.
You know it’s an excellent cup when the coffee is:
1) Black.
2) The spoon melts in it before you manage to stir.
3) You have a burned after taste in your mouth for several hours after your last cup of the day.
4) It’s ten o’clock in the evening and you are still drinking it.
Note: Why you would actually stop drinking coffee at any hour is beyond me!
Posted in BEST OF 2016
“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
Coffee, by any other name
“What’s in a name?
That which we call, coffee,
By any other name,
Would smell as sweet;”
The sweetest of aroma,
From every cafe in Roma
Bringing you to your knees,
When on a walkabout, in Paris
A cup of Java
A cup of Joe
Darker than molten lava
Just let the liquid flow!
Because,
Coffee, by any other name…
Well, it’s all coffee,
Really,
And all coffee
Is good,
Just
Drink,
Enjoy,
And be merry
And sooner than later
Have another cup
Then some more,
Maybe one more,
For the road,
To get off the load,
Take away,
Now you’re talking,
Just keep on walking
Another cafe
Is bound to
Come along!
Rantings Of A Third Kind 