Red Trike

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“The colour so bright, this thing, totally, caught my eyes!“ Gun Roswell

Red Trike

The painted fire red engine colour shining across the grey a monotonous basement of a parking lot, and it really wasn’t that difficult to spot, that totally gorgeous vehicle of a thing parked across a few dull looking four wheeled drives, so guess this tiny thing, just wanted to survive, the looks given by those big ass bullies, mocking its very existence, while missing a wheel, for instance.

“What the hell kind of a car are you anyway?” One suburban, one the larger side, with its wheels ever so large and wide asked, the tiny thing, huddled away now, in the corner to stay while, its driver was doing the shopping for the weekend, and some time away from this small trike spend.

“I am a trike, but weather proof!” The red vehicle replied, trying that, with a small smile, after all, this was its first time ever, in a great big mall, and to be honest, it really did not like at all, the banter, or rather hate talk, from all the others around there, giving it the scare.

“Oh, a trike huh?” A regular size car, commented, with a snarl, “Where does your owner, get to put all the haul, which they will most certainly have on them, as they come down from the shops.” It stated snidely as if it had some kind of revelation widely unravelled. “There is no real trunk or any kind of other place to put on all that junk, they will most certainly have scoped out, from all them shops and then bought, surely you can see the dilemma and the irony, of being such a tiny, tiny thing, despite the red armoury?”

The red trike thought for a moment, then with a loud huff and puff, it extended out its sides, making the body of it ever so wide, but with a large smile, a bit of an evil one at that, the red trike, showed off its assets quite nice, as the two, quite big tubes appeared, and as the very lids of them sprung open, the others, those even with snide remarks, could see now, clear as day, that this small trike, had a lot more on display, than what the spying eyes initially had seen.

“What do you think about my trunk now?” The red trike barked out, “Plenty of room for stuff and such, and even the rider, has leg space enough!”

No further comments were heard from the floor, as the vehicles just shut up and all their doors, as mocking such a tiny little red thing, seemed to have been a good pass time, before their owners would bring, all their shopping, filling the spaces and then some more, indeed, the little red trike, was the winner of them all, on this grey looking and dull day, at the shopping mall, then making sure the owner had plenty of space for all the stuff bought and maybe even some delicious s’mores.

An ordinary day with an ordinary morning, maybe?

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“It was supposed to be a regular day at the office, but when I arrived in the early morning hours, something totally odd had happened, and this is the story of that” Gun Roswell

An ordinary day with an ordinary morning, maybe?

When the alarm clock chimed, I slowly stirred and then, started to whine
It was way too dark and way too early, to get up and about, even with a try
But alas, this poor lass, could not start the complaint process just yet
Since it was, so early and the time, to get up from the comfortable bed

On the way out, there was a shout, just behind me, as I had once again, completely forgot
To take my pre-prepared lunch with me, for you see, I too, sometimes, do have to eat
Then without further ado, I punched the pedal to the metal to hurry myself to the streets
Because today, I had to get in early, like the worm and the birdy, you know that tales plot!

The day still beginning, and I really did not feel like singing, so just listening in
To the radio and the same old tunes, playing each day, when I was on my way
Little though, had I prepped for what awaited me on the log, when trying to find my parking spot
The scene in front of me unfolding, quite the visual spectacle, or so I am telling

Nothing short out of a breath, I suddenly halted on my very taken step
Glaring, gazing, totally amazing and in complete awe, of what it was that I saw
What ever the object up there hovering above in the still dark skies
Could be anything from a flying object to the obviously sun’s shine

What ever it was, is for the viewer of the image or the listener of this tale to decide
Because me, myself, and I am still staring at the very image with my mouth open wide
What ever happened there, in the early morning hours in that very parking lot
Well, it was what it was, and the rest, well, that is a tall tale to be told with a varied plot!

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race after all!

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“We are all born naked and the rest is Drag” – RuPaul

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race after all!

This is Ixavier Lasloth coming live from the Galaxy near you!

Our news team is currently orbiting a small bluish rock in the farthest corner of the known universe. We are here to observe the supposedly dominant occupants of this planet they have named “Earth”. These people seem to be involved in something called the “human race”, although as to where and when the race will take place is still unclear.

We are here to observe the ritualistic behaviour of this particular species, whose skin colour is varying from a pinkish hue to darker brown shade or sometimes even red. Some of them are covered in a thick fur like layer, while others remain neutral and satisfied in their original skin.

We are in disguise to avoid any panic our strange appearance may cause in the inhabitants.

Upon closer inspection, we can clearly detect at least two distinctive sexes, but there may be more.

Although most of these creatures seem to be content in their existence, some of them rebel against the existing norm. These individuals have ventured to live their lives with their own set of rules and formed tight knit groups and living off the radar. These “outsiders” worship their heroes in an almost religious fashion.

This exceptional behaviour is the reason, why this reporter landed on this forsaken rock and decided to have a closer look.

After making contact with some of these “radical groups”, we were fortunate enough to get invited to observe one of their many rituals. The core group and their followers call themselves “De-rag Q-ueens.

We were invited to observe their masking ritual, reserved for the most elite individuals of the group. The “males” as we got to know them were performing an age old ceremony named the “drag race”.

Observing the ritual to a fault, there is a strict regime to follow:

The first step is to apply a thick layer of paint on the face. The next step is to add a head piece, which seems like a construct of some sort of animal hair. These headpieces come in every imaginative colour of the rainbow. To complete the transformation, a garment weaved with glittering items is pulled over the top half of the body. The feet are covered with footwear constructed from a leathery material and with an added feature, which seems to give the wearer more height.

When the total transformation from “male” to “female” was complete, it was time to “put on a show”.

The Q-ueens lined up and started walking in orderly fashion on what seemed to be a structure of wooden planks they had named the “cat walk”. A rhythmic beat followed by electrical lights flashing caused the Q-ueens to start producing sounds from their throats causing melodic sounds coming out from their mouths. This ritual was of a repetitive nature, where the melodies and sounds varied depending on the individual performing them. The “show” continued and the partakers managed to change their attire several times over before the ceremony was over.

All in all while observing this religious ritual in all its glory, this reporter found oneself caught in the moment; cheering and applauding at the end of the ceremony, which luckily was the accepted social convention.

While trying to get more in-depth information as to what the origin of this particular ritual was, I was fortunate to interview one of the elders among them. And the message, quite clear and directly quoted:

“We may be born naked, but surely the rest needs to be drag”
In this reporter’s opinion, this may be one of the more successful stories of Earth.

Until next time, this is Ixavier Lasloth, signing off!

Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it!

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“Not today Satan! Not today.” Bianca Del Rio

Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it!

Not another rejection! I was getting sick and tired of working my respective derriere off and for what? For nothing, thank you very much. No matter what I wrote, how I wrote or how many submissions I sent in, all my work got rejected.

“I would make a deal with the devil if I would finally get a chance!” I shouted out loud in the empty room.

The lights flickered and all got dark.

“Oh hell, not another power outage again!” I tried to feel my way in the darkness, but as I moved around, I realized I wasn’t bumping into any kind of obstacles, like the furniture or scattered stuff lying on the floor in my room.

Then I could see a bright spot in the distance. By instinct I started walking towards the light. When I reached the light, I noticed I had actually been transported to some place completely different. The surroundings reminded vaguely of some of the cardboard sets from many a sci-fi film I had seen. The place was surrounded by a heavy mist, like someone had gone wild with a smoke machine. Luckily I had taken my asthma medicine earlier.

I walked around and wondered whether I was dreaming or abducted by some funky disco loving aliens.

“Hello! Anyone home?” I shouted.

Then wooshing sound and flash of light and, there she was, standing before me in a catsuit like leathery outfit. She looked at me, clearly assessing who and what I was.

“So you would like to be famous?” She asked me.

“Who are you?” I was a not sure whether this was a dream or I had been set up by Candid Camera.

“Beelzebub.” She answered.

“Come again?” What the f..k? I was thinking this definitely had to be a set up.

She looked at me annoyed.

“You know as in Old Nick, Lucifer, the Tempter, Prince of Darkness? Ring a bell for you?”

I shook my head.

“Satan!” She shouted out loud her voice echoing in the setting.

“Ah!” I finally got it, “What’s with the decoy? Why not come right in front and introduce yourself like “Hi, I am Satan, nice to meet you!” I asked trying to lighten the mood.

She, Satan stared at me and I got a little worried then. My skin was burning a little. For what ever reason, I wasn’t sure.

“I heard you were ready to deal.” Satan stated matter of factually.

“Maybe,” I tried nonchalantly not believing my luck! “What kind of deal did you have in mind?”

“Well I can make you rich and famous and all that entails as.. What was it again you said you were, a writer?”

“Yeah!” So, not all knowing after all, I thought.

“Writer. Yes, well I have several of those, but if that is what you want to be then who am I to argue.” Satan responded, looking at me eyes flaming.

“What exactly would it entail? The deal I mean?” My curiosity was peaked, but this sounded too good of a deal to really be true.

“Well do you think you are any good as a writer now?” Satan asked me.

Motioning my hand in comme ci comme ça -manner. “Meh?”

“Well, despite your short comings, I can make sure what ever word fall from your pen or what is it you humans are using now, keyboard?”

I nodded.

“I can make sure it’s all gold and you will become a renowned writer.”

I was really hooked now.

“What do I have to do?”

Another woosh sounded.

“Simply put on them red slippers and click your heels three times!” Satan pointed at the newly appeared footwear.

I was hesitant, red wasn’t really my colour.

“I don’t know. Can I see that in an other colour?”

I could see Satan’s eyes widen and sure, there was smoke coming out of her ears.

“You dare to contradict me?” She was furious.

Oh, oh. I had angered the devil, not good. I was worried I might loose the deal. And red was fine. I could always accessorize and buy a red bag, maybe a matching hat…

“Fine! Don’t get your knickers in a bunch! I will put the red slippers on, no problem!” I slipped the shoes on one by one and pointed at them: “See! Chill out Satan!”

She grinned wickedly: “Excellent! Now click your heels three times.”

“Seriously?” I asked. I thought I heard that line in a movie some place.

“Do as I damn well say!” Satan clearly had anger management issues.

“OK, I will. Look, I am doing it.”

And with that said, I clicked my heels, one, two, three times. The lights flickered again. Everything went dark.

“Not this again! Been there done that, now bring on the light!” I shouted in despair.

Then the lights came on. I was back in my, room?

It wasn’t my room, not at least the way I left it. It was a huge room with nice furniture and all kinds of gorgeous glittery things around. I looked around in awe. Where was I?

I noticed a newspaper on the table. I went to look to find more clues as to where and why. My heart skipped a beat. The headline stated “Premier for ‘Dancing with the Devil in the pale moonlight’ written by the famous author, Gun Roswell”

I glanced at my feet. And, I was still wearing the red slippers on my feet!

“You have to be careful what you wish for. What you think you want, may be more than you can handle!”

A social media inspired song

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“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill” Christopher Parker

A social media inspired song

Dancing, romancing
Laughing, prancing
Completely trancing
Time fast advancing

Panic quickly attacks
There is no turning back
Time was supposed to lack
Or maybe I am a quack

I was supposed to do
An essay, story, poem or a few
If I only had the slightest clue
I would not be feeling blue
Right now

Was I procrastinating?
Maybe just contemplating?
Planning my next writing?
Or simply, just waiting?

A simple prompt enough
Not too a difficult task
But if I must, I must
With these words at last

I am not going to be defeated
And this poem is completed

Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!

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“Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion”

Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!

“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.

“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.

“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.

Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Or the one!” Emma added.

Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.

***

I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.

Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.

“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.

I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.

“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.

“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.

‘Boss, hit, guns?!’

Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.

The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.

“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.

“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.

“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.

She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”

The man just nodded.

“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”

Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.

And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.

Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!

***

Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.

“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.

“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend.
“Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.

Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.

“Guys? I am dying here!”

“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.

“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.

“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”

Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.

“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.

“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.

“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”

“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.

“Hear, hear!” The other two replied in unison.

social

Some Social Media Bullshit

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Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

A Christmas Tale

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” Charles Dickens

A Christmas Tale or, “Can I have some Figgy Puddin’, please?”

The year was 1845. I was about ten years of age and working as a stable girl. Our family lived and worked in Lord Hamilton’s manor house. It was Christmas time and as a gift for the servants, the Lord arranged a feast for the staff and their families.

Mommy had the children dressed in their Sunday best. My two brothers were complaining about the stiffness of the shirts. Starch was itchy and could cause rash, especially if one scratched the itch.
I had my favourite dress on and my younger sister was a bit jealous of the red and green colouring. She was wearing a plain blue coloured hand me down.

After all the fuzz and hassle with the wardrobe, the whole family was finally set to go to the main house and start with the Christmas dinner. Us servants would be dining in the large kitchen. Several long tables were brought in with extra seats as well. This wasn’t a large household. With around fifteen servants and their families, well not all had children and spouses, all in all around sixty people in total crammed around the tables. The two cooks had had their hands full with the preparations and naturally every one that could had chipped in.

But now it was time for celebration. Everyone was finally sitting down and getting quiet. After grace the noise level rose again. Food containers were passed around and everyone was filling their respective plates. After all, it wasn’t often we got to eat in this manner and variety.

After a while, everyone had cleared their plates and it was time for dessert. My favourite was the Figgy Pudding. If possible I opted for seconds. As I got my plate of the delicious substance before me, I licked my lips and dug into it with gusto. It did not take too long for the food to disappear from my plate.

My mom looked at me with a smirk. I looked back at her and passing my bowl I asked: “Is there any Figgy Puddin’ left?”

I was smiling widely, feeling exhilarated, when the bowl was passed back to me with an other helping.

When the final bits were eaten, it was time for the traditional sing along. The farmhand brought out his accordion and after the first few tunes, we all joined in. The evening was spent singing, chatting and finally picking up the tables. We all went back to our dwellings, thanking the Lord for the special meal.

Merry Puddin’ and God bless Us Everyone!

Calm Seas for TBT

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“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever”
Jacques Yves Cousteau

Calm Seas

A long walk behind me, legs giving up, trying, to get somewhere, where I can finally relax. Not one soul have I encountered for a long while, I did not even realize the time, just kept on walking, the only talking, was done to myself, by myself. Clueless, helpless, dragging myself forward, as more time passes by.

But then, something, a new odour, alerted my nose. Sniffing, thinking, this, is familiar. Something fresh like a breeze, maybe, with a touch of salt? I fasten my pace, walking towards the smell, my nose the only guide.

As I am walking, ney, half running towards the intoxicating smell, I can feel a cool breeze against my face. Sounds of what seems made by birds, fill my ears and get louder by the minute. Dare I hope this is what I think it is? Yes, it must be, and now, now I am running. Feeling the moistness in the wind, the sounds of waves crashing in.

Soon, I reach the end of my journey, standing, on the top of a cliff. Looking down, nothing but miles and miles of seashore. Sand and rock, blue ocean waves, birds a flocking in the distance. Fluffy white clouds, a little sunshine between them. The horizon blurred, with the sea and sky, blue on blue, in different hues. No one else has entered this paradise. It is almost undisturbed, as if no one else of this place has ever heard.

This, is the place, a place for me to finally sit down, and relax, enjoy myself, find myself. Heck, maybe I just settle down here, forever!

Calm Seas

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Posted in Short Tales

“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever”
Jacques Yves Cousteau

Calm Seas

A long walk behind me, legs giving up, trying, to get somewhere, where I can finally relax. Not one soul have I encountered for a long while, I did not even realize the time, just kept on walking, the only talking, was done to myself, by myself. Clueless, helpless, dragging myself forward, as more time passes by.

But then, something, a new odour, alerted my nose. Sniffing, thinking, this, is familiar. Something fresh like a breeze, maybe, with a touch of salt? I fasten my pace, walking towards the smell, my nose the only guide.

As I am walking, ney, half running towards the intoxicating smell, I can feel a cool breeze against my face. Sounds of what seems made by birds, fill my ears and get louder by the minute. Dare I hope this is what I think it is? Yes, it must be, and now, now I am running. Feeling the moistness in the wind, the sounds of waves crashing in.

Soon, I reach the end of my journey, standing, on the top of a cliff. Looking down, nothing but miles and miles of seashore. Sand and rock, blue ocean waves, birds a flocking in the distance. Fluffy white clouds, a little sunshine between them. The horizon blurred, with the sea and sky, blue on blue, in different hues. No one else has entered this paradise. It is almost undisturbed, as if no one else of this place has ever heard.

This, is the place, a place for me to finally sit down, and relax, enjoy myself, find myself. Heck, maybe I just settle down here, forever!