Coffee, Coffee, Coffee and then some

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“There really is no life before the first pot of coffee in the morning” Gun Roswell

Since the dawn of time when humans first dropped down from the trees and started walking, their first trip must have been to the closest Starbucks for some coffee.

Remember the classic film “2001: A Space Odyssey” and first scene where the prehistoric man is bewildered when a big black block lands before him? What if instead of the monolith a giant cup of coffee would have landed? I think we would have evolved much faster and would be more advanced today if that would have been the case 

But let’s move forward in time and to present day.

I have dropped in a quite a few suggestions (read request) in our office “suggestion box“: Add to the list of necessary office supplies an IV drop filled with coffee. Each worker would then be hooked into the IV every morning and during the day; a dedicated person would circulate around the office and re-fill the empty ones.

But seriously, coffee is the one good drug that keeps this world up and running. Here is an example of an ordinary working day:

1st cup: 06.00 AM: Eyes barely open reaching for my glasses on the night stand sniffing for that precious aroma. Nothing yet! Half running downstairs praying the automated coffee maker has not suffered from any kind of electrical stroke during the night and my coffee would be there waiting for me.

It is! Hallelujah let the day begin!

2nd cup: 06.20 AM: Morning ablutions behind me, standing fully clothed ready to take off to work, gulping the second cup of coffee while reaching for the door.

3rd cup: 07.00 AM: In the office, turning on the coffee machine before even reaching for the lights in the darkened office. Impatiently waiting while the machine is making its morning sounds before I can insert my coffee capsule into the damned thing and get my coffee (Note: It’s a double shot just to make sure I don’t run out before I can tackle today’s pile of work).

4th to 6th cup: 08.00 to 11.00 AM: A steady flow of “double shots” for each cup to keep up the pace of the day and a smile on my face.

7th cup: 11.30 AM: A cup of coffee to complement a tasty lunch, of course

8th to 9th cup: 12.00 PM to 02.00 PM: One for each scheduled meeting for the afternoon.

10th (to 11th) cup: 02.15 PM: It is finally time for the afternoon coffee break! (In reality this is a very large cup so guess it counts for two or more…).

12th cup: 03.00 PM: Last squeeze (and cup of coffee) before the day’s work is done!

13th cup: 04.00 PM: Time to leave for home, one more for the road…

14th to Umpteenth cup: 05.00 PM to Midnight: After a full day of work, I managed a full hour of exercise, went grocery shopping and vacuumed the whole house. Albeit I was so perked up from all the coffee I managed to get to bed early (around 2 AM) after cleaning a few closets and taking the dog out three times during the evening for a brisk walk and of course, having a cup of coffee here and there; P

The lesson learned: There is no such thing as too much coffee!

By the way, last time I had my yearly check up at the doctors, the conclusion was: there was far too much blood in my caffeine circulation!

Rage on the Road

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“If I put the pedal to the metal I might get there on time”


Friday morning, last work day of the week, tried to avoid the morning rush hour at any cost.

I left earlier than usual and reached the interstate only to realize every other person and their friend had had the same idea.

I was cursing (and shouting) out loud in the car at ‘all the idiots’ hogging the lanes. Divided into two kinds of drivers; the first ones driving no faster than the speed limit, the others cris crossing from lane to lane, speeding then slowing down and speeding up again.

Myself of course being the only driver there, following all the traffic rules and driving in the best possible manner, felt allowed to chastise all the others.

I myself try to pick one lane and stick with it. I like to drive fast, so I usually choose the fastest lane, keep a few car lengths in reserve and get to my destination on time. But, for some reason the overtaking lane was filled with ‘Sunday drivers’ who were in absolutely no hurry getting anywhere particular, but they liked to drive along this lane annoying everyone else.

I have also noticed turning to a side road can be a very difficult maneuver: Starting to slow the car down a half a kilometer before the turn is ahead, leaving the others behind you wonder what is wrong. Do not bother with the turn signal, the other drivers can read your mind and know exactly what you are doing. If they don’t have ESP, shock them by turning the signaling on a few seconds before you actually turn, giving (hopefully) enough time for the drivers behind you to brake!

There is a select group of drivers, who call themselves motorcyclists. Trying to survive your fellow car driving humans is one thing, but another thing is dodging those silvery bullets passing your car in a speed of light blur from only inches away. Driving in the middle in “no-lane” and stopping for no man! I myself am more of a scooter person, driving the grandma version, pink of course, slowly and enjoying the sound of the birds singing.

A recap of how most drivers “read” in to what the usage of the traffic lights means:

* Green: The phone is ringing, stop the car to take the call and for what ever reason, do not look at the rear view mirror!
* Yellow: Accelerate, the light is almost red now, you need to reach the intersection RIGHT NOW!
* Red means GO GO GO!!

“Get off your mobile, keep your eyes on the road and put the pedal to the metal!”

It is About As Funny As A Root Canal – it hurts!

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“Something about the teeth and all that, perhaps flying high because of treatments and drugs and whatnots involved, seeing the Tooth Fairy at the end of it all?” Gun Roswell

You know
That feeling
Lying
In the chair
Thinking
Life 
Is not fair

Staring
At the ceiling
Anticipating
Sweat
Covering
Your skin
Waiting for
The drilling
To begin
The sound
Resonating
In your skull

Totally bound
With feelings
Of dull
Contemplating
An escape
Looking
At the window
Wishing
For a cape
Like a superhero
Flying away

No time
The Dentist
Hovering
Covering
Your eyes
With sunglasses
Working
In a quick pace
Before I
Can plot my
Break

My mind
Wandering to
Molasses?
Am I
Loosing it?
Completely
Sugar
Would be
The last thing
I needed

Mouth
Agape
Drooling
Like an ape
Fooling
Not a chance
In a deep
Trance
Or a drug endused
State

After all
Is done
Wishing
I had
A gun
Somehow
Cooling down
Getting up
Staggering
Reeling
A sick
Feeling

A glance
In the mirror
Spittle
And blood
On my face
Must be
An error
Covering
My head
With a hood

Leaving quickly
No looking
Back
Oh what
A quack
Never mind
It’s all over
Until
Next time

When
You hear
It’s as funny
As A root canal
Time to fear
And run
As fast
As you
Can

Is the Truth, out there?

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“Is there really any kind of life out there, beyond our constraining borders for us mere mortals onto this ground, this Earth of ours, still bound, those of us not owning a working spaceship to fly away with?” Gun Roswell


In
My Mind

Science Fiction
Science Fact
Utopia

The Earth
The Planets
The Stars

In
My Mind

A Galaxy
The Milky Way
The Cosmos

The Universe
The Intergalactic Space
A Void

In
My Mind

A Wormhole
A Black hole
A Singularity

Pi
A mathematical constant
The number 47
A mystery

In
My Mind

Spiraling
With random thoughts
With coherent thoughts

Universes and Worlds
Conjured up and destroyed

In
My Mind

Aliens and
Their spaceships

Humans with
Their flying machines

In the Here
And Now

I am
Peddling
On my Bicycle
The long dark road
A head of Me

Hell just might be empty, with all them nasty devils running amok on this plane of existence!

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“Things, affairs , all of it, might be wrong, a lot of them are, but, giving up hope, was never an option, never part of the grand plan either. Was it?“ Gun Roswell

“It’s hell out there! Surely we had some time to spare before it was about to happen I swear!” Someone exclaimed having taken a spun around the neighbourhood, having found it no fun at all.

“Have you seen the latest news?” Another one asked confused of the times. “It’s murder and mayhem for sure and that is the awful truth!”

“I don’t leave my house anymore. Just because it’s such a chore.” The third one chimed, certainly they were not feeling so fine. “Putting all them gear on, the armour or whatnot, just to feel safe and even then you cannot be sure.”

“The kids are all home schooled now, not that its of any use. Them all hanging on their game girls and fun stations, twatting about it all on the internets of things. Such misuse of the time. All of it wasted for sure. But the lure of it all is too much to ignore.” The mum from across the street shouted from the open window, never ever daring to leave her home.

“Truly is sad all of it. In the olden days, well, everything was so much sunnier, funnier, lighter and brighter. And now, it’s all such shades of greys.” A not so old person retorted to the others, from a safe distance but of course.

“Yeah, hell has certainly arrived to our small corner of the world. Then again, what did we expect with all them devils running around in our streets. But we did invite them here didn’t we?” And with that there was no rhyme to be seen, simply a comment of how things had turned out to be.

Thinking hard?

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“Thinking hard or hardly moving one thought? Brain empty, no matter, another one can be bought?” Gun Roswell

Mind in full spin-cycle

As my thoughts its trying to tackle

I feel like i am about to chuckle

But then lost in another puzzle

My brain is trying to hustle

This little Brain of Mine won’t let me sleep!

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“Something certainly rattling up there… Could it be… a thought perhaps?” Gun Roswell

This, tiny, useful brain of mine
Thinks, it is, doing just fine
It keeps on going and going and going
Even though my body yearns for slowing
Down at night, well… sometimes
And some other times
Too needs, to rewind

So, I ask you nicely
Please be kind
Shut down
Every once in a while
Let me sleep
Dream real deep
And maybe a later
I will reward you with a nice state of
Quiz and debate

Oh Gravity, thou art a heartless little bitch aren’t thee, I know you are!

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“I thought the whole point of growing older was to grow wiser, not wider! The first thing ain’t happening but the second one sure is! Goodness knows we are so lacking wisdom in this world, so what gives???” Gun Roswell

Oh Gravity!

I trusted you, ya know
I thought we were the best of friends
Forever I mean, heaven sent and all that jazz of a kink
But ya sure fooled me, didn’t ya!
Cause this ain’t no ship, friend or otherwise!
And I’ll bet my shiny fat derrière you’re sitting out there somewhere
Laughing your respective one off just ’cause I’m getting all the wider!

Didn’t I do all the things ya requested?
Ya know, when I was so much younger and…. Well?
Fasted, toned, honed, ran, whatever fad there was I did do to keep things… fit?
Having them perky edges, standing rather than never around to sit?Starving more likely!
No liquor, no snacks, no sweets, certainly less food… no nuttin’!
Not one single good thing consumed, just illin’!

And so, finally, here is were I stopped
The age slowly seeping in and I ain’t singing!

So yeah, wider!

Gravity, you’re now pullin’ me every which way
Cannot seem to keep my body in one single shape?

Most days waking up with a loud huff and puff
Feeling like a broken down collectable doll or some such
Fitting each part to their constraints
The shatnerish contraptions holding me together in on place
Pulling, pushing, squeezing, nudging, whatever trick to simply fit!
Finally managing to a somewhat of a human form
Guess not really the regular or the norm

But what the hey!
If I can still stand up straight, do the walk
Then yeah, I beat you!
At least for this day!

Time to check whether it’s real or memorex

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“It is strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book”

So there I was, in the middle of the woods, all by my lonesome. No where to hide, no where to run.
I was in for a challenge. Not only because of me detoxing from the fiction I was greatly hooked up on at this point, but also living in an archaic house without any creature comforts.

I watched the car drive off, and then I was finally alone. Time to start the battle with the demons!
I went inside the wooden cabin finding a layer of dust settling on the surfaces. Sighing deeply and thinking ‘Welcome to the labour camp’. Placing my rucksack on the chair closest to me, I rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning up.

Windows and door open to get the air circulating. Making do with an old broom to swipe the floors. Luckily I had brought some cleaning wipes with me. Those would come in handy while dusting the surfaces.

A few hours later I looked around and the place was spick and span clean. It was time for the evening meal and I was unpacking my bag. I had several cans of food, some crackers and a juice canister. Now all I needed was water and wood!

The rest of my day went pretty much doing chors like cutting wood and hauling water from the well.
A few more hours went by and I was inside getting the wooden stow started. When the fire was burning nicely, I opened one of the cans, pea soup of course, good for any camper!

It was night fall and I had my little oil lamp burning and the fire was going keeping me warm. It had been a little bit of an effort, but luckily some smart Alec had written instructions now hanging on the wall next to fireplace.

So there I was without a care in the world, my stomach full with soup and juice. I was wondering how people managed to get anything else done in the olden days. Most of the daylight hours seemed to be wasted on cleaning and gathering necessities for meal preparation.

Then I realized I needed to use the facilities. Unfortunately there was only an outhouse and it was a bit tricky to navigate there in the dark. I had my torch with me so that helped a little. I just hoped no wildlife were close by feeling peckish and thinking I was food.

The routine for the two week period was pretty much the same every day. Get up at dawn, because the birds were screaming in the trees, hunt and gather for nourishment. The cottage grounds actually had a pretty good assortment of various berries and luckily it was the season for most of them.

In the end, I did not even miss reading, anything, fiction or otherwise. I didn’t have time, when the real life hit me hard, and using a log to do it!

Let’s see what happens when I finally get back home, where all the temptations await me!

Some Social Media Bullshit Like That

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‘Connecting people – The artist formerly known as Nokia’

“Are we really connected?” Gun Roswell

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day 

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.