Is there any Figgy Puddin’ left?

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” Charles Dickens

Is there any Figgy Puddin’ left?

The year was 1845. I was about ten years of age and working as a stable girl. Our family lived and worked in Lord Hamilton’s manor house. It was Christmas time and as a gift for the servants, the Lord arranged a feast for the staff and their families.

Mommy had the children dressed in their Sunday best. My two brothers were complaining about the stiffness of the shirts. Starch was itchy and could cause rash, especially if one scratched the itch.
I had my favourite dress on and my younger sister was a bit jealous of the red and green colouring. She was wearing a plain blue coloured hand me down.

After all the fuzz and hassle with the wardrobe, the whole family was finally set to go to the main house and start with the Christmas dinner. Us servants would be dining in the large kitchen. Several long tables were brought in with extra seats as well. This wasn’t a large household. With around fifteen servants and their families, well not all had children and spouses, all in all around sixty people in total crammed around the tables. The two cooks had had their hands full with the preparations and naturally every one that could had chipped in.

But now it was time for celebration. Everyone was finally sitting down and getting quiet. After grace the noise level rose again. Food containers were passed around and everyone was filling their respective plates. After all, it wasn’t often we got to eat in this manner and variety.

After a while, everyone had cleared their plates and it was time for dessert. My favourite was the Figgy Pudding. If possible I opted for seconds. As I got my plate of the delicious substance before me, I licked my lips and dug into it with gusto. It did not take too long for the food to disappear from my plate.

My mom looked at me with a smirk. I looked back at her and passing my bowl I asked: “Is there any Figgy Puddin’ left?”

I was smiling widely, feeling exhilarated, when the bowl was passed back to me with an other helping.

When the final bits were eaten, it was time for the traditional sing along. The farmhand brought out his accordion and after the first few tunes, we all joined in. The evening was spent singing, chatting and finally picking up the tables. We all went back to our dwellings, thanking the Lord for the special meal.

Merry Pudding and God bless us everyone!

Time for a Reality Check?

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Part Three of REALITY? WHO’S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THAT?

reality?-rant

“It is strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book”

Time for a Reality Check?

So there I was, in the middle of the woods, all by my lonesome. No where to hide, no where to run.
I was in for a challenge. Not only because of me detoxing from the fiction I was greatly hooked up on at this point, but also living in an archaic house without any creature comforts.

I watched the car drive off, and then I was finally alone. Time to start the battle with the demons!
I went inside the wooden cabin finding a layer of dust settling on the surfaces. Sighing deeply and thinking ‘Welcome to the labour camp’. Placing my rucksack on the chair closest to me, I rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning up.

Windows and door open to get the air circulating. Making do with an old broom to swipe the floors. Luckily I had brought some cleaning wipes with me. Those would come in handy while dusting the surfaces.

A few hours later I looked around and the place was spick and span clean. It was time for the evening meal and I was unpacking my bag. I had several cans of food, some crackers and a juice canister. Now all I needed was water and wood!

The rest of my day went pretty much doing chors like cutting wood and hauling water from the well.
A few more hours went by and I was inside getting the wooden stow started. When the fire was burning nicely, I opened one of the cans, pea soup of course, good for any camper!

It was night fall and I had my little oil lamp burning and the fire was going keeping me warm. It had been a little bit of an effort, but luckily some smart Alec had written instructions now hanging on the wall next to fireplace.

So there I was without a care in the world, my stomach full with soup and juice. I was wondering how people managed to get anything else done in the olden days. Most of the daylight hours seemed to be wasted on cleaning and gathering necessities for meal preparation.

Then I realized I needed to use the facilities. Unfortunately there was only an outhouse and it was a bit tricky to navigate there in the dark. I had my torch with me so that helped a little. I just hoped no wildlife were close by feeling peckish and thinking I was food.

The routine for the two week period was pretty much the same every day. Get up at dawn, because the birds were screaming in the trees, hunt and gather for nourishment. The cottage grounds actually had a pretty good assortment of various berries and luckily it was the season for most of them.

In the end, I did not even miss reading, anything, fiction or otherwise. I didn’t have time, when the real life hit me hard, and using a log to do it!

Let’s see what happens when I finally get back home, where all the temptations await me!

reality-check-101-4c

A Stroll in the Park

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“Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell” Robert Byrne

 
A Stroll in the Park

A lovely day for a walk in the park. Holding hands and walking down the long lane with her best friend. The sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom, the birds were singing. Yes, you could actually hear them, it was early Sunday morning and the natives were still sleeping comfortably.

The two friends had the park for themselves to enjoy. Almost, a little farther down the lane, they spotted an elderly woman sitting at the park bench. Moving closer, the couple detected the lady to be knitting. That is when he broke into tears.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Looking at the lady there just made me think of my own future.”

She was a little confused. One minute ago the sun had been shining and now, it seemed, the storm clouds were gathering.

“What are you talking about? Didn’t you and Mark already have your life planned until retirement?” She tried half joking. Knowing her friend, she could easily imagine the plans the couple had laid out for their future the minute they had become involved.

“No, we broke up, last night!”

He was sobbing hard. He hadn’t dared tell her about it sooner, and wished he had not seen the old lady, nor had come to the park. The reason for not telling his friend was, that he really wasn’t in the mood of hearing the ‘I told you so’s in his current frame of mind.

“Oh.” Was her short answer.

“I will be as lonely as that lady over there is without anyone to love me!” He continued through his tears.

She knew this would happen. Mark had been completely wrong for her friend. Biting her tongue and keeping in mind her friend needed consolation rather than her telling him how wrong he had been.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright! I am here for you!” She then put her arms around her friend and guided him to a nearby seat, trying to calm him down with soft spoken words.
The elderly lady had noticed the couple walking towards her.

‘Oh young love’ She had been thinking. And then she witnessed something odd. The man breaking down in tears!

“Well, I never!”

She said out loud to herself and then thinking,

‘In my days people were gay and laughing. We did not air our dirty laundry in public!’

stroll

The Observer

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“There’s no way to remove the observer – us – from our perceptions of the world” Stephen Hawking

The Observer

I was sitting in the coffee shop, my well-deserved latte in front of me. I was content in emerging into my daily readings on my tablet, but for some reason my eyes kept wandering to the hassle in the bar. Patrons were leaving and new ones were stepping into the shop.

‘Why not!’ I thought. I could play the part of the observer for a little while before continuing my own tasks. Who knows, maybe I would pick up an idea or two for my next writing project.

Sipping my coffee, I noticed the young couple in the corner booth. They were enjoying each others’ company, looking each other in the eye, no words were spoken. New love was in the air.

Feeling like a peeping Tom, I search for something else to gaze upon. My eyes were scanning the room and landed on a woman with three offspring. The mother was deep in thought, or so it seemed, reading the newspaper while her children were throwing napkins, straws and other small items at each other. I wondered how she managed to turn off the surroundings. The patrons at the next table however were not so lucky. Shaking their heads, they grabbed their orders and moved to another table at the farther end the coffee shop.

I laughed a little at the scene played out before me. Good thing I had been thinking ahead and chose the solitary spot close to the windows in the corner. I had a clear view of the whole establishment, but I was also able to concentrate on my reading if I wanted to.

I thought to seek out one more scene before tuning myself out. I noticed the waitresses behind the bar having a heated conversation. I was not able to hear what they were talking about, but clearly the other one was angry about something and kept on ranting, while the other one was just listening in. Wide eyed, nodding every now and again. The angry one was waving her arms in the air, while the quiet one remained stationary, her hands seemed almost glued to her sides. It seemed from an observer’s perspective, the ranter was in charge in that particular relationship, while the listener did just that and probably agreed to everything the ranter told her.

I lost my interest after a little while and noticed the coffee house getting emptier. Guess the rush was over and I could get back to my reading.

observer

Give and Take?

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argument

 

“In a deal, you give and take. You compromise. Then you grab the cash and catch the next train out of town” Irving Paul Lazar

Give and Take?

I told you so, but you never listen!

A “conversation” between two people about everything and nothing as it may have happened.

“You are so thick headed aren’t you!”

“So I’m the one who is the bad guy again, huh?”

“Well you are. There is no arguing about that!”

“So you are blaming me about everything that has gone wrong?”

“Yes, what’s your point?”

“No point. It’s hilarious! You are hilarious!”

“So now you are saying I’m a joke? Is that it?”

“No, I said you must be joking.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“Then there must be something wrong with your hearing.”

“So now you are complaining about my ability to understand you!”

“No, I said you understand things in your own way.”

“Are you calling me stupid? If you are I will show you stupid…!”

“Good grief! Read my lips: You are stubborn!”

“Just because I hear and understand something differently than you, that makes me stubborn?”

“Potato, tomato!”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No.”

“It sure sounded like you were.”

“You heard me wrong then!”

“Again with the hearing! I am not deaf you know!”

“What was the point?”

“What point?”

“Why are we arguing?”

“I dunno. The weather is not so good today?”

“No it’s not. The forecast promised sunshine tomorrow though.”

“Sounds good.”

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

“Ok then!”

“Yep.”

 

Sometimes an argument is just that. The words are not important. The point of it is, there was no point to begin with. A bad day can cause feelings to run amuck. Venting with someone you trust and then forgetting about it is cathartic.

Give-and-take-is-fair__quotes-by-English-Proverb-12

Caricature Characters

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“Character is a word that seems to define almost all human activity and then some…” Richard Reeves

Caricature Characters

Writer’s note: This is a fictional story. No real character was harmed during the creative process.

A start for the week in the office. We were expecting a new addition to the fold today and not just anyone, it was our new boss. I was sitting at my desk sorting out my inbox when a colleague came by and said:

“Did you see her?” He asked.

“Her who?” I responded

“The new boss, she was just in the coffee area.” He continued.

“She?” I had not realized we would finally be getting a female leader.

“Yes, we have ourselves a new lady boss!” He half joked, but I could see in his eyes he really wasn’t.

The way he had reacted did not sound promising, no, not at all good! It seemed he and the new manager had not gotten along so well.

“Oh.” My short answer.

“Yeah, well, guess it will all turn out good.” He remarked cryptically, having a worried look on his face.

“No, how did she seem to you?” Now I was getting alarmed too.

The idea of having a woman in charge and as my boss had been an intriguing one. However, I would have preferred a nice strong “human” leader and not a queen bitch. Well, men usually tended to have their preconceptions when female leaders were concerned. Therefore I thought it was just his opinion, nothing more. Possibly due to being intimidated by a woman boss. And if there is anything I have learnt, it is to ignore those myself, since people never give good first impressions.

“Yeah. Why don’t you go and get some coffee and see for yourself.” He urged me.

“Yeah, as soon as I have today’s agenda sorted out.” I told him. It was a lie, I had sorted my tasks already and I never said no to more coffee.

I was sitting at my desk doing all kinds of non urgent tasks, procrastinating, buying my time. Finally gathering enough courage, I got up and made my way to the coffee room.

Just before entering the area, I heard a loud and full laugh coming from the area. ‘That was new’, I thought.

I entered and saw the two worst ass kissers in the office chatting up our new department head. Probably sucking up to the boss telling her all kinds of little lies.

I quietly snuck myself into the room and went to the coffee machine, trying to be as quite as possible. As Mr Murphy would have it, I managed to make a loud noise, while reaching for the cup from the fully stocked cupboard. The cup then fell out with an audible sound. I managed to grab the cup before it fell on the floor and broke, hoping not to have alerted the trio’s attention. I poured coffee into the cup and turned towards the table, where my office mates and new boss were standing.

I could not help staring. She was the epiphany of a modern executive. Dressed in a tailored power suit, her dark hair neatly cut in a bob. And of course, she was wearing stiletto heels. I know my jaw was dropped. I looked at myself, dressed casually: Jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. I could not believe my luck! Remember what I said about first impressions? Well I might have been wrong after all.

The new boss lady looked at me, clearly assessing who or what I was. Guess she decided I was safe enough and with an evil grin she said:

“Nice catch!” Commenting on my blunder with the coffee cup.

I was dumbfounded. It took some time for me to gain my speech ability back.

“I was, um, Thanks!” I managed.

“So, what department are you part of?” She asked. Not my name, not a hello nice to meet you. I was getting the sinking feeling my co-worker had been right in his assessment regarding our new lady boss after all!

“IT.” Short answer. All I could manage.

“Oh, so you are the contractor!” She sounded like it was an infectious disease. At least that’s the way I heard it.

“I um (again), yes. I am the administrator for the platform.” Wow! I finally managed to get a sentence out from my mouth.

“Is that a fact.” Her expression was starting to change rapidly and she seemed to be nodding in approval. “I have heard good things about you.” She finally said with a smile.

Once again she managed to surprise me and leave me astonished with my mouth open like a goldfish whose bowl just broke and the water was spilled all over the floor.

“That, that is good to hear.” I managed finally.

She then did the unthinkable thing. She stepped closer, standing next to me, completely ignoring her brown nosing fans and talked to me.

“You and I should have a chat soon. I have some plans for the IT improvements and I would like your input.” She was still smiling while she was speaking to me.

“Great.” I seemed to have so much difficulty in talking with her, my sentences reducing to one syllable ones.

“Excellent! Why don’t you book us an appointment and let’s move forward from there!” She told me.

She then turned around, but before she left, she said: “It was really good to meet you!” And she was gone.

“Good to meet you too!” I was half shouting after her, as she was almost gone.

First impressions, forget them! My new boss and I; I am sure we will have a great and fruitful working relationship after all!

TO BE CONTINUED?

queen

Reality? Who’s Brilliant Idea Was That?

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Part Two of Serially Lost in Fiction

reality-check-101-4c

“Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth”  Ludwig Borne

Reality? Who’s Brilliant Idea Was That?

“You really need to pull it together and clean up your act!”

The words still echoing in my head from the intervention. The whole thing had made me extremely angry. But after my initial tantrum had subsided, I was willing to admit I had a problem.

So now, I needed a plan, but it was going to be hard. I had two choices, to gradually wean myself off of all that fiction and fantasy or go cold turkey. I estimated it would take around two to three weeks or so either way. I chose the latter option. I did not trust myself, suspecting the gradual way I would only make excuses and not read any less.

The options at hand would be then to:

a) Get rid of every single piece of technology or readable book.
b) Lock myself in an empty room at home.
c) Travel to a far away place, preferably a cottage in the middle of the forest somewhere without any creature comforts.

I chose plan c. It seemed the best option, since my family owned a cottage some hundred kilometers up north. There was no electricity, no running water, basically nothing but survival against the wilderness. Well, to be honest, the nearest shop was only five kilometres away, so not a god forsaken place after all.

Since the margin of me running off mid process, my family opted to drive me there and I would then have a bike to use for my trips to buy groceries. And that being my only option of transportation, it would be highly unlikely I would run off on a bike.

So it was agreed and I was on my way to the cottage in the woods with only my necessities.

reality?-rant

Next stop: Time for a Reality Check?

Lost and Found

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“In order to learn how to keep, you must lose first.” ― Auliq Ice

Lost and Found

The number on the envelope had been a little blurry, so I had to go through several doors starting with the number three. Up and down the stairs I had gone in the apartment complex, but I was finally here. I hesitated for a moment before ringing the doorbell. After all, I would have to come clean I had actually read the letter of an other person. Or did I?

I brushed my sweaty hands on my pants, and then, pushed the button. The door opened. I looked at the little old lady at the doorway.

“Hi, you don’t know me, but I have something which belongs to you.”

Serially Lost in Fiction

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“Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream.”

Serially Lost in Fiction

Writer’s note: This content is the work of pure fiction and is in no way associated to the writer ;P

The best guideline for any writer is to read, read and read some more. With all available resources, carrying a “book” around is easy as pie and you can read anywhere. There is a downside to this though and I found that out the hard way: I got caught between the realm of reality and fantasy.

It started slowly, reading a short story here, another there. Then things started to escalate. I was hooked up on longer stories, even sequels and serial ones. It had gotten to the point where I was reading on the bus stop, in the bus, at lunch, on coffee break. When I got home from work I could not wait to rush through my daily chores and emerge myself in more stories.

Feeling like the children who found Narnia, I was devouring all kinds of the stories. Re-enacting some of them in my sleep. Even taking part in conversations with my imaginary new friends in my head.

Staying up until late hours, reading, reading, reading. Sleep was scarce, almost non-existent. Drinking lots of coffee was the only remedy to somehow muddle through my work days. Even during the day fantasizing of the time I was back home and able to fully concentrate on my reading.

Then I got a wake up call. It was in the form of an intervention from my family and friends. I was on my way from work like usual and happily thinking on my next read. And there they were, sitting in the living room, waiting for me. Not a tablet, laptop, book reader nor an actual book in sight!

They sat me down gently and told me in no small way how my constant reading was affecting them.
I could not believe they would dare confronting me like this. After all, I was only reading for leisure.

Bewildered and utterly distraught I dwelled in self pity for a few days. Locking myself in my room and reporting in sick. I decided “to hell with it” and emerged in even more reading. For four days and four nights apart from potty breaks I read anything and everything.

After those days, I guess something got me thinking. Could have been the sleep deprivation, could have been the fact I had hardly eaten, but I realized I was in over my head. Then and there I decided it was time for a change.

 Next stop: Reality? Who’s Brilliant Idea Was That?

A Wanna-be Drag Queen

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“I Look Fuckin’ Cool” – Adore Delano & Alaska Thunderfuck

A Wanna-be Drag Queen

There is just something
to be said
About a man
in a dress
Not one hair
in a mess
Everyone staring
at big earrings

A Sculpted body
and lean legs
The woman embodies
A honey trap?
but into the spiders webs

Sickening
Gorgeous
Bickering
Flawless
Fabulous
Marvelous

Out of this world
Down the runway they swirled
Looking fucking cool
All we do is drool

You better work
With your lips in a smirk
It’s just a quirk
Don’t let it irk

I may be a woman
Must come clean
Maybe an omen
But I’m a wanna-be drag queen

“It’s not personal, It’s just drag” – Alyssa Edwards

drag