Star Trek Wars

“Resistance is futile” The Borg

Star Trek Wars

We had finally arrived at the annual Star Trek convention. Our little gang of geeks, all dressed up in their favourite character’s uniforms. Myself as Mr Spock of course, the half human, half Vulcan science officer from the original Star Trek show.

Some of us had been eagerly been awaiting to hit the shopping booths to find new collectibles for their already vast collections. We were scanning the area for familiar faces and hoping to hook up with some of our friends while here.

“Don’t venture too far!” I ordered the others, “The panel is about to begin in two hours and we want front row seats!” I shouted after my team who had already made their ways around the surrounding shopping area.

The one portraying the Captain’s character was far too reckless, not to mention air headed, to lead anyone, let alone herself. So for now, despite the fact of being the first officer in rank, the dubious task of leadership of this ragtag crew had fallen onto me.

I noticed some of our friends a little further and waved at them. They were dressed as Klingons and during the conventions, they were always in full character, speaking nothing but Klingon. Luckily I had mastered the language myself. Let’s just say the conversation with them was, interesting, at best.

***

It was nearly time for the first panel of the day, guest starring one of my favourite actors, William Shatner. Due to my diligence, we had managed to get the front row seats and were now eagerly awaiting for the mighty Shatner to arrive. My crew and I had a few questions for him and if luck would serve us, we would get the opportunity to present them for him.

“Oh. My. God!” ‘Uhura’ was over excited when she joined us finally.

“What?” I asked her.

“You will never guess what I just heard at the juice bar?” She continued.

“Spit it out already!” I was getting anxious.

“Well, the word out there is, that there is a heard of Star Wars fans dressed in Stormtroopers uniforms coming to the convention.” Uhura told us.

“This convention? Our convention? The STAR TREK convention?!” For a Vulcan, my pitch was overly high and my emotions up the roof.

“Yeah and they are led by none other than Darth Vader himself!” She added knowingly.

“When is this supposed to happen?” I asked her, hoping she had better intel than just rumours or gossip.

“Not sure, but I heard this from a reliable source!” She ensured me.

“I need details people! Go and get some proper intel, we still have thirty minutes to go!” I was ordering my crew, who were looking at me like I had lost it, but did as I told them anyway.

After they had left I sat down in defeat and said to myself, “I cannot work like this!” holding my head in my hands feeling a massive migraine coming on.

A little later they returned and confirmed what Uhura had told earlier. The general consensus was, that a group of Star Wars fans were about to invade the convention, but as to when was still uncertain.
We all agreed to keep our eyes and ears open. But for now, concentrate on more urgent matters, such as the panel led by William Shatner.

***

Some fifteen minutes into the panel, where the boring questions were done with, the fans were gearing up for more interesting topics and our turn was coming up soon, it happened.

A character dressed in a black uniform, complete with a cape and helmet and accompanied by roughly twenty odd people dressed in all white plastic uniforms, charged in front.

“Vader!” I stood up from my seat and pounced to the direction where the perpetrators had made their stance.

“Die Trekkies, die!” Darth Vader breathed through his mask and was ready to charge.

“We prefer Trekkers!” I shouted as I charged towards the enemy with full force, my crew not far behind and the other conventionalists joining.

“What ever!” Vader shouted back.

A wrestling match of sorts started, each side showing and pushing each other.

One of the troopers had charged to the stage and managed to bump into Mr Shatner, before he had been able to escape the competitive fan uprising. Our crew was the first to respond to the distress and our resident crew member, the Doctor reached Mr Shatner first. Shatner was laying on the floor, holding his head. The Doctor checked his pulse, then looked at us and back at Shatner again and said:

“You’re dead Jim!”

Mr Shatner looked at him and rolled his eyes: “Right!” Was all he told the smirking ‘Doctor’.

“Are you alright Mr Shatner?” I asked concerned.

“I will be, as soon as I get out from this,” He was waving towards the crowd, “Madness!”

After helping Shatner up and guiding him towards the exit, I and the Doctor joined the rest of our crew, returning to the battle field.

Today is a good day to die!” One of the troopers shouted.

“Hey, that line is from our franchise!” The Doctor from our group responded.

“Yeah! Get your own lines!” Another Trekker added.

And with our faux phasers and light sabers, the Trekkers and the Star Wars fans continued their age long battle, to the proverbial death!

***

Later, sitting confined in one of the empty conference halls, after getting arrested, the bulk of the fans on either side, some three hundred of us in total. No one was saying much. I was also regretting loosing myself and my Vulcan ways engaging in battle rather than trying to solve the issue with logic and peaceful negotiation.

Guess the lesson learnt here is, no matter the franchise or belief, there is always room for all kinds of fandoms and each of us should respect each others’ choices.

trek wars

To Whom It May Concern

“There’s a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called ‘fan fiction’” Joss Whedon

To Whom It May Concern

My Dearest Television Show,

I am writing to you in hopes of conveying an important message to you and whomever it may concern.

We are a small group of elderly women who gather once a week around the television set to watch our favourite program and then afterwards analyze the events with a shot or few of our favourite brew. Guess you could call us Fan Girls, even though most of us have passed the age of eighty. We each have our favourite characters and root for them while watching. Some of us even dared to venture out into the World Wide Web and sent out a few notes to the actors playing the roles. I believe they are called twats or something or other.

But I digress.

Although we appreciate all the effort you put into your craft and accurately so, take pride in the quality of your work. Unfortunately lately the direction the show has taken, is stirring a little trouble in our small group. Most of us agree there is trouble ahead, apart from Helga, who loves the idea of romance at a later age. The rest of us, however, are of the opinion, she should go watch a day time soap opera if she has the hunger for romantic liaisons. After all, this is a crime story, not a daytime drama.

As I mentioned earlier, we are analyzing each show to the extent and we have noticed the changes implemented for the major characters. Strong characters and believable storylines were the reason our little knitting group started watching in the first place. As women and kind of feminists, strong female leads got us hooked right from the start.

Please take this advice from someone who has reached the ripe old age of eighty five:

In real life people do not change, not to a degree of one hundred and eighty degrees, abandoning their basic personality traits and beliefs. A strong woman does not always need a love interest to survive the wilderness that is out there. Trust me, I have lived by myself for the past fifty years and am managing excellently and enjoying my life to the fullest surrounding myself with family and friends. And of course, my favourite past time, watching your delightful show.

Now, we all know this is just a fictional storytelling on the tube, but, still it remains a big part of our lives, and we want to be invested in the process.

Yours Sincerely,

Margaret Watson and Friends

Stalking is such a Strong Word. Let’s call it… Social Research!

” *Friend request accepted* Let the stalking begin! “

Stalking is such a Strong Word. Let’s call it… Social Research!

Checking your home page
For the umpteenth time
I must have been in a haste
For no updates I find

Just because
My favourites
Are in the ‘Ks’
And my followers
Are in the nays

You may think
I stink
And am
A

Stalker?
Prowler?
Fan Girl?
Just because my toes curl?

Admirer maybe
From a far of course
Devote
And the Art to endorse
Buff or a Rooter
But not a suitor

I hope you are not offended
As I await here expended
And I’d rather
You called me an other

Name,
Without the blame

A
Researcher
of the Individual

Now,
Why did you not
Answer on the spot
To my ping?

social

Ode to Hillary

“I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas” Hillary Clinton

Ode to Hillary

Having the community’s best at heart
Showing off as smart
Making sure no one left behind
Is nothing but kind

Women’s rights
Gay rights
Equal rights
Everyone’s rights

You may have made a few snafus
But then again, we all do
Still,
I would vote for you

A Woman’s place is on the bridge
Not serving milk from the fridge

Madame President
No better resident
for the White House

“Sure it’s a big job
but I don’t know anyone who can do it better”

HRC

A Wanna-be Drag Queen

“I Look Fuckin’ Cool” – Adore Delano & Alaska Thunderfuck

A Wanna-be Drag Queen

There is just something
to be said
About a man
in a dress
Not one hair
in a mess
Everyone staring
at big earrings

A Sculpted body
and lean legs
The woman embodies
A honey trap?
but into the spiders webs

Sickening
Gorgeous
Bickering
Flawless
Fabulous
Marvelous

Out of this world
Down the runway they swirled
Looking fucking cool
All we do is drool

You better work
With your lips in a smirk
It’s just a quirk
Don’t let it irk

I may be a woman
Must come clean
Maybe an omen
But I’m a wanna-be drag queen

“It’s not personal, It’s just drag” – Alyssa Edwards

drag

Homage to Spock AKA Leonard Nimoy

“Live long and prosper” – Spock AKA Leonard Nimoy

Homage to Spock AKA Leonard Nimoy

“It’s only a television show”
– Maybe so, but it got me through the best of times and surely through the worst of times

“Vulcan honours us with your presence. We come to serve”
– Mr Spock had me at hello

“Never meet your heroes”
– Maybe true, but this particular hero I will regret not meeting for the rest of my life

“These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”
– And I will keep watching until such time they put me out to pasture.

Mr Nimoy, please reserve a room for me also in Valhalla!

spock

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race!

“We are all born naked and the rest is Drag” – RuPaul

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race!

This is Ixavier Lasloth coming live from the Galaxy near you!

Our news team is currently orbiting a small bluish rock in the farthest corner of the known universe. We are here to observe the supposedly dominant occupants of this planet they have named “Earth”. These people seem to be involved in something called the “human race”, although as to where and when the race will take place is still unclear.

We are here to observe the ritualistic behaviour of this particular species, whose skin colour is varying from a pinkish hue to darker brown shade or sometimes even red. Some of them are covered in a thick fur like layer, while others remain neutral and satisfied in their original skin.

We are in disguise to avoid any panic our strange appearance may cause in the inhabitants.

Upon closer inspection, we can clearly detect at least two distinctive sexes, but there may be more.

Although most of these creatures seem to be content in their existence, some of them rebel against the existing norm. These individuals have ventured to live their lives with their own set of rules and formed tight knit groups and living off the radar. These “outsiders” worship their heroes in an almost religious fashion.

This exceptional behaviour is the reason, why this reporter landed on this forsaken rock and decided to have a closer look.

After making contact with some of these “radical groups”, we were fortunate enough to get invited to observe one of their many rituals. The core group and their followers call themselves “De-rag Q-ueens.

We were invited to observe their masking ritual, reserved for the most elite individuals of the group. The “males” as we got to know them were performing an age old ceremony named the “drag race”.

Observing the ritual to a fault, there is a strict regime to follow:

The first step is to apply a thick layer of paint on the face. The next step is to add a head piece, which seems like a construct of some sort of animal hair. These headpieces come in every imaginative colour of the rainbow. To complete the transformation, a garment weaved with glittering items is pulled over the top half of the body. The feet are covered with footwear constructed from a leathery material and with an added feature, which seems to give the wearer more height.

When the total transformation from “male” to “female” was complete, it was time to “put on a show”.

The Q-ueens lined up and started walking in orderly fashion on what seemed to be a structure of wooden planks they had named the “cat walk”. A rhythmic beat followed by electrical lights flashing caused the Q-ueens to start producing sounds from their throats causing melodic sounds coming out from their mouths. This ritual was of a repetitive nature, where the melodies and sounds varied depending on the individual performing them. The “show” continued and the partakers managed to change their attire several times over before the ceremony was over.

All in all while observing this religious ritual in all its glory, this reporter found oneself caught in the moment; cheering and applauding at the end of the ceremony, which luckily was the accepted social convention.

While trying to get more in-depth information as to what the origin of this particular ritual was, I was fortunate to interview one of the elders among them. And the message, quite clear and directly quoted:

“We may be born naked, but surely the rest needs to be drag”
In this reporter’s opinion, this may be one of the more successful stories of Earth.

Until next time, this is Ixavier Lasloth, signing off!

 

edna

From favourite TV character idolizing to borderline obsession

“Everything is the same as always”

From favourite TV character idolizing to borderline obsession 

We all have our favourite TV shows and in them the characters we like, some more than others. And at some point the line between liking and obsession starts to disappear and then you realize it is time to wake up, put the kettle on, the cat out for a pee and admit ‘it’s just a TV show’!

It is generally believed the TV audiences do not want anything new and exciting. They want the same old plot twists and familiar characters to appear on their small screen every week. Major dynamics’ changes between the characters or the plotline may not go well with the viewers.

Let’s face it; for most people, it’s best everything to be as black and white as possible:

The good guy needs to wear ‘the white hat’ while the bad guy is all dressed in black. The Evil Lynn is a shapely brunet with blue eyes while the girl next door is a brown-eyed blond and for heaven’s sake: Leave the gays in the closet!

I like to think myself more of a gray kind of person. That being said, this is what happened for one of my top favourite shows:

I usually try to avoid reading anything on the world wide web regarding the shows and fandom or what the actors behind the characters are like or what else they do, but for some reason I went online and googled this particular show.

Much to my dismay, I read some alarming changes to be happening in said show and after reading was close to a panic attack!

No way in hell was I going to accept these changes! It was completely off for the characters!

This ranting went on first in my head (and I might have said it out loud even a few times) and later went on and on about it in familiar company (not that anyone understood what I was on about and why I was so upset over a TV show).

So what happened is that instead of being excited about a new episode and watching it on the allotted timeslot I taped the show and did not dare to watch it.

Almost a whole week went by until I finally broke down and watched the episode. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I lead myself to understand from what I read on the Internet, but it wasn’t good either.

In the end I got over it and real life won 😉 The series still remains among my favourites, I watch it and try not to get too attached to the characters. After all, it’s only a fictional television show.

The lesson learned:

If you don’t like what you are watching, I can see three options available for you:

  1. Turn off the TV
  2. Live with the writers’ decisions
  3. Write a better story

tv