Friday, the 13th

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales of the odd and unexpected

“Don’t walk under any ladders,
Don’t break any mirrors,
Don’t spill any salt,
And don’t walk by any black cats.
Happy Friday the 13th!”

Friday, the 13th

Lock the doors
And shut the windows,
Close the curtains
Because who knows,
What uninvited
Behind them lurks!

Switch off all the lights
Under your beds go hide
Better fright than flight

Just because today,
Is Friday night
Of the 13th kind!

friday-13th

Some Social Media Bullshit (BEST OF 2016)

Posted in BEST OF 2016

Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

batman-hates-social-media

One Day in December for Freaky Friday

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales of the odd and unexpected

“December’s wintery breath is already clouding the pond,
frosting the pane, obscuring summer’s memory…”
― John Geddes

One Day in December

one-day-1

The early morning light in the eastern horizon, in the colour of brightest red and powerful, like a wild fire, gave the villagers quite the scare. It had been a long dark period after the colours of fall had faded, but they had expected the dark times to last at least several moons over, before the light bringer would once again light the fires up in the North, indicating start of spring.

Gathering into the village centre, whole families and their pets, standing there, staring in awe at the fiery sky. No sound was heard, apart from the roars of the winds in the near forest. Then, the eerie silence was broken. A bang on the ground of a heavy object being dropped followed a squeaky voice:

“Ragnarök!” she shouted pointing at the sky.

The other turned at her, looking and wondering what the village oldest woman was on about.

“The war is coming!” she kept looking at the skies.

“War?” someone from the crowd dared asking.

The old woman nodded and kept looking at the skies, “Yes, the war”, she simply stated. Then sighing, she looked back at the village, who had their eyes turned to the old woman, clearly gone mad or delusional.

“What war is that?” a man questioned her.

The old woman stood silent for a moment before she responded.

“The war of the ages, the war between good and evil” she whispered under her breath and then turned towards the others, “Armageddon!” she half shouted.

“Surely, you are mistaken?” the man continued and hesitated for a moment, “Maybe we have miscalculated the passing of time and the springtime is upon us?” He turned toward the others nodding as if getting the others to go along with his assessment.

But, the others were looking worried and starting to realize, what the woman was trying to say. That the old fairy tales, passed on as folklore. Bedtime stories told by parents to scare the children to do their bidding, may now have become true.

“Ragnarök”, the old woman just stated silently and once again turned her face towards the reddening skies.

ragnarok

To be continued

Polar Night for Freaky Friday

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales of the odd and unexpected

“Could you like chill for a sec?” Freaky Friday The Movie

Polar Night

ff_darkness

Presently:
“Darkness surrounds us.
There has been no spec of light for months, or possibly hours?
I am not really sure. All I know, is, that I have lost all track of time.”

Before:
In the darkness we lived for a long time. But then, “It” appeared.
A round object, in the darkest of skies. Super moon, they said. It will bring us light, they said.
Some speculated of another, possibly even more powerful, than the first one would exist.
Apparently, the objects did not appear at the same time, rather the other would disappear as the other’s time, was to shine. The more sceptic ones believed the tales to be told by fools, who had their heads in the clouds. The only thing proven to exist, was the darkness and its shroud.

Presently:
But, for now, we could only hope the tales were true, as we go on without dark little lives.
And daring to hope, that maybe, some day, the tales told by fools, would bring us the jewels
of light.

ff-full-moon

Totally Freaky Friday

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales of the odd and unexpected

“Could you like chill for a sec?” Freaky Friday, The Movie

Totally Freaky Friday

1

Freaked up in the early morning hours
When the Dark Nordic Showers
Started banging against the roof plates
Silently, cursing my non sleepy state
Must this really be my fate?!
Oh, how I love to hate
Living up here in the Nordic States

“It’s a lottery win to be born here”
They say

But little do they sway
When the weather causes dismay

“They who?”
You may ask

“Better don’t”
Will always be my response

They are the ones watching, listening, telling you
What you should do
They may be just a few
But mess with them, and you are screwed!

2

Black Friday; Finland Style

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales of the odd and unexpected

finland-joke

“I hope your Black Friday injuries aren’t so severe that you can’t click a mouse on Cyber Monday.”

Black Friday Finland Style

darkness

“Bright light, bright light!”

“Oh my God, what is that?”

“Holy hell, is it a flying saucer?”

darkness-2

The masses had come out from their homes and workplaces staring and pointing up at the unidentified bright light high up in the sky. Some rumours had circulated, stating Finland had fallen under attack by UFOs.

In the corner of the street, a lonesome believer was preaching:

“The end of the world as we know it, is upon us!”

That day, was the first day of the month March.

darkness-1

Several months earlier:

It was the beginning of October. The land had fallen under darkness. As if an evil warlock had cast a spell. Sour faces all around, no expressions, as if away blurred. Hardly any sound could be heard. People on the streets, dragging their feet. The lust for life, all sucked out.
First of March

An unidentified source of light had appeared in the skies.

“The sun”, someone said, as the onlookers stood before her, bewildered.

“It is called the sun” she stated again with a smile.

But the other just shook their heads in disbelief.

Still, turning their collective faces towards “the sun”. And, as by a wave of a magic wand, the crowd closed their eyes in unison and enjoyed that sacred moment. A collective sigh of content was the only sound heard.

For who knew, how long this would last…

light-2

A Room With A View for the Daily Post

Posted in the Daily Post : In The Style Of : Tales of the odd and unexpected

“A place belongs forever to whoever claims it hardest, remembers it most obsessively, wrenches it from itself, shapes it, renders it, loves it so radically that he remakes it in his own image.” – Joan Didion 

A Room with a View

We had been driving for a while, not sure whether this road we were on, would lead us to the right place. Everything was different now. What once were wide open fields and forest, had now transformed into a mini suburbia. It was difficult to navigate by only old images serving as maps for the familiar road taken some forty years ago.

“There, take a turn here!” I pointed out to the direction looking to lead to were I wanted to go.

The car swerved and after a moment, I started recognizing familiar landmarks, still standing after all these years despite the changes. The big boulder standing proudly at the very edge of the ledge. As
kids we use to play and re-enact our favourite TV shows, pretending the rock was part of an alien planet.

Driving further and deeper into the woods, the distances between houses were getting longer and soon I was able to see recognize some of the places long since forgotten. We had finally arrived.

Stepping out of the car I noticed the neighbours’ house was still standing on the accompanying lot, still as run down as it had been all those years ago. I wondered if anyone actually lived there anymore.

Looking at the empty spot where our home had been, I could still see some of the rocks which had been part of the foundation of the house once standing proud, laying scattered After neglect and abandonment, the run down building had finally been demolished.

I walked around in the tall grass, feeling nostalgic and remembering how it used to be. As I closed my eyes I am transported back to the old house, my playhouse, the house I was born in.

It was a warm summer’s day. I could smell the freshly cut grass and see all the flowers in bloom. The field surrounding the house was filled with yellow, the colour of dandelions.

As kids, it was really fun to blow off the seeds when the flowers had bloomed and were ready to pollinate. Little did we know we were actually helping the flowers to spread. They looked like skydivers as they slowly landed on the ground.

I turned and looked at my home, the raw wooden exterior, no creature comforts, such as running water or toilets. The outhouse was a little farther up the hill, covered by tall trees and bushes. Someone probably thought it would be a good place to hide it, so the onlookers would not find out the people actually went to the toilet in those days.

As I moved closer, I saw my grandmother sitting in the swing. She loved that swing. She sat there for hours on end, watching us kids play in the yard. I waved to her and continue inside. I was thirsty and I knew there was a pitcher of cool lemonade in the kitchen. In those days a refrigerator was a luxury and we did not have one.

To keep things cool, there were sort of holes or wells dug into to the ground, filled with cool ground water. The food was then put into a bucket and lowered into the hole. Our kitchen had one in the middle of the floor and it was handy especially during hot days like this one was.

The house itself was small, two bedrooms, a living room and the kitchen. There was electricity coming into the house, for lamps and such. And of course to the piece de resistance, the television. The only one in a ten mile radius. The neighbour kids and I used to gather in the house every Sunday afternoon to watch our favourite TV show, Thunderbirds. Even grandfather sat with us kids and watched the show in awe.

As I entered the house, I walked through a small foyer: It was really a tiny space between two doors before actually entering the inside of the house. When guests arrived, there usually was a queue waiting for entry into the house. Each in turn taking off their shoes, leaving them in the foyer and then entering.

I quickly stepped out of my clogs and entered the kitchen. The opposite wall was filled with cupboards and a sink. And of course no running water nor sewers. The long kitchen table surrounded by twelve chairs dominated the room. At Christmas and holidays we used to gather around it with family and friends.

I went to the “well” and opened the hatch. Hoisting the bucket up and taking one bottle. Putting the bucket back, closing the hatch. Walking to the cupboards, I took two glasses out. Satisfied I carried my items outside to where my grandmother was sitting.

After pouring the cool lemonade in the glasses and offering one to my grandmother, I sat down in the swing beside her. Letting the gentle swing and the warm summer breeze lull me into sleep.

After for what seemed an eternity, I finally opened my eyes and I was back in the present. The grass still green, field still filled with yellow dandelions, smiling at the warm memories of childhood and my trip back in time.

mokki

Back in Time for the Daily Post

Posted in the Daily Post : In The Style Of : Tales of the odd and unexpected

time2

“When I was kid, my social network was called ‘outside’ “

Back in Time

This is the work one of pure fiction. Neither polar bears nor reindeer were harmed in the creation of this literary process!
The year was 1924.

Longitude and latitude: Somewhere up north, thataway! The Finnish Lapland would probably be the most accurate location for this tale.

How old was I?

I guess I was somewhere between ten and twelve years of age. In those days, people were born and they died. No one really bothered with the record keeping. Lord knows there were plenty of us to go around.

Despite the fact it was close to midsummer, there was still snow on the ground. The reindeer and polar bears were roaming the streets while us kids were running around, having snowball fights. That is, during the minimum spare time we had between school, chores and work. Sleeping in those days was a luxury. Sometimes we had a full night’s sleep, sometimes the watch duty fell on my plate and I needed to stay up all night. Luckily, coffee had been invented ten years prior and we were all pretty much hooked on the sweet dark liquid.

Our housing for the winter months was an igloo, which the whole family constructed out of ice. Snow was used as plaster to fill in any holes between the blocks of ice. During the summer time, we had a tent like structure made out of bear and deer skin. Unfortunately all of us favoured the winter dwelling for one simple fact: The summer house stunk like a skunk. The choice of material was not a good one, but then, it was depression and all commodities were scarce.

The trip to school, either winter or summer time was made on skis and it was part to the exercise curriculum for all of us still eligible for the classes. A twenty kilometer trip back and forth was not a big deal and was building the strength and endurance nicely. This also came in handy for our after school activities. Some of us went to work in the coal mines, while others were herding rein deer or taking care of their younger siblings.

Each Saturday the Sauna was heated and all the family gathered into the cramped little room, heated up to eighty degrees. We were sitting all butt cheek to butt cheek in the nude on a wooden construct in the small dark room. Only the burning fire in the stove gave some lighting. As a luffa, a loosely tied bunch of birch tree branches with leaves on them was used. Out mother pummeled us with the concoction and me thinks she enjoyed it a little too much. Granted we children gave her grieve sometimes, so I will give her that.

Bathing for us then meant taking dips in the icy, below freezing waters. This, after we had first heated our body temperatures close to baking. Then we ran naked to the lake, where a large hole had been dug into the ice and plunged in.

All in all life was pretty ordinary and uneventful in my childhood, apart from the minor quirks.

Do I miss it? My childhood?

I would rather spend my next holiday on a labour camp!

4067-76665

On a Slow Road to Hell for Freaky Friday

Posted in Freaky Friday: Tales off the odd and unexpected

“Going to hell, in a handbasket”

On a Slow Road to Hell

Loosing all sense of colour
No use in a loud holler
All shades of grey are fading
The perfect picture slowly degrading
Turning to black and white
Really, there was no fight

Life passing by in slow motion
Reminiscent of an old silent film
But with less commotion

Standing here
Where the line used to be
Then, drawn in sand
Facing what I feared
A wall of concrete
Now complete
Wondering,
Who’s got the upper hand

A note of some kind
Almost rendered me blind
In proud bold letters,
A big ass sign

“TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT!”

hell-1

Tales of the Odd and Unexpected for Throwback Thursday

Posted in the Throwback Thursday: Tales of the Odd and Unexpected

“The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks”

Tales of the Odd and Unexpected for Throwback Thursday

While digging through the archives after Halloween, I found these tales of the odd and unexpected for your enjoyment for this weeks Throwback Thursday serial: Happy reading!

Tales of the Odd and Unexpected (or what ever floats in my mind): Part One

Tales of the Odd and Unexpected (or what ever floats in my mind): Part Two

It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race!

TBT CASETTE; IPOD