Humour
“Sweet and soft and heavenly? An odd combo maybe?” Gun Roswell
There is just
something about you
I am in lust
And only for you
I am finding it impossible
to stay away
Highly improbable
Anything would keep me at bay
I lost you
Luckily
I found you
My little bit of Heaven
By sweet sweet
I am up to seven
My one and only treat
My sweet chocolate bar
In a serial package
You didn’t venture too far
When I was tracking
“The First of May. also Labour Day, a day filled with noise and balloons?” Gun Roswell
“May Day! May Day!”
The clock blared
As the alarm went off
I woke up with a scoff
“What the F…!”
As this, was supposed to be my day off!
Clearing my throat, with a cough
I quickly got up, in a huff and a puff
Waking, this early in the morning, was tough
I looked at the clock on the wall
Figuring some way, to stall
But the only option, was my ass outside to haul
First view from the window
Did my foggy mind blow
As I rubbed my eyes, little did I know
The only thing I would see, was more snow
What the hell was going on?
I thought May was summer’s dawn
But this plan has one big flaw
The winter has raised its ugly claw
It must have been because of the weather
My alarm clock had made this error
Waking me up early, knowing
I only, could this task endeavour
So now, it was up to me
The land and air rid of the freeze
To bring forth the sunshine and warm breeze
Just had to figure out, how this task to seize!
If I only had powers of magic
I would just pull out some gimmick
But unfortunately, my witchery has a limit
So, for now, I just taped on an image
Onto the window with a view quite idyllic
A summery green meadow,
The warmer weathers to mimic
“Time to go back to work again (it’s Monday after all)!” Gun Roswell
After,
A very brief rest
You would think, it was the best
And turning back, to the grind
You would automatically new view points out find
Alas,
The time of rest was short
It only took the time to snort
Fun and games had only begun
But that only turned out to be,
Just another evil pun
“If I would never travel again?” Gun Roswell
Queuing, security checks and waiting
Your co-travellers, all halting
Sweating, freezing, even sneezing
Expensive cups of coffee drinking
Children and adults alike screaming
The personnel, nope not them redeeming
So what on earth ever brought me
To the unthinkable screen?
“We are airing our clean laundry out in the public today – surprise?” Gun Roswell
Today, clean and odour free
Pants, shirts and underwear I do share
With the whole family, outside
“Way too ‘blah’ to move” Gun Roswell
Today like another day, you see
Nothing special happened
The weather got the best of me
Siting in my chair, feeling crappy
It doesn’t matter if it rains or snows
Even if the cold wind blows
I always find my excuses
Those are better than being a looser
Doing nothing is an art form
If you lazy about without getting scorned
Find what ever reason
Hell that is hardly treason
“Movies? What are those? Sci-fi? Call it, Sci-Fa as in fact?” Gun Roswell
I was sitting in my time machine
Whistling this happy tune
Must have been quite a scene
With the bells, whistles and fumes
Setting the date into the dialer
The flux capacitor pulsating
Waiting patiently, I am the driver
Feeling the seat vibrating
The dashboard flashing
Soon I will be dashing
Through time and space
Into another time and place
Travelling in my vehicle
The outside cold as icicles
With the speed of light
In a tunnel quite bright
My destination dead ahead
The tunnel soon to shed
Feelings of anticipation
Of what destiny awaits me
In the next station
“There really is no life before the first pot of coffee in the morning” Gun Roswell
Since the dawn of time when humans first dropped down from the trees and started walking, their first trip must have been to the closest Starbucks for some coffee.
Remember the classic film “2001: A Space Odyssey” and first scene where the prehistoric man is bewildered when a big black block lands before him? What if instead of the monolith a giant cup of coffee would have landed? I think we would have evolved much faster and would be more advanced today if that would have been the case
But let’s move forward in time and to present day.
I have dropped in a quite a few suggestions (read request) in our office “suggestion box“: Add to the list of necessary office supplies an IV drop filled with coffee. Each worker would then be hooked into the IV every morning and during the day; a dedicated person would circulate around the office and re-fill the empty ones.
But seriously, coffee is the one good drug that keeps this world up and running. Here is an example of an ordinary working day:
1st cup: 06.00 AM: Eyes barely open reaching for my glasses on the night stand sniffing for that precious aroma. Nothing yet! Half running downstairs praying the automated coffee maker has not suffered from any kind of electrical stroke during the night and my coffee would be there waiting for me.
It is! Hallelujah let the day begin!
2nd cup: 06.20 AM: Morning ablutions behind me, standing fully clothed ready to take off to work, gulping the second cup of coffee while reaching for the door.
3rd cup: 07.00 AM: In the office, turning on the coffee machine before even reaching for the lights in the darkened office. Impatiently waiting while the machine is making its morning sounds before I can insert my coffee capsule into the damned thing and get my coffee (Note: It’s a double shot just to make sure I don’t run out before I can tackle today’s pile of work).
4th to 6th cup: 08.00 to 11.00 AM: A steady flow of “double shots” for each cup to keep up the pace of the day and a smile on my face.
7th cup: 11.30 AM: A cup of coffee to complement a tasty lunch, of course
8th to 9th cup: 12.00 PM to 02.00 PM: One for each scheduled meeting for the afternoon.
10th (to 11th) cup: 02.15 PM: It is finally time for the afternoon coffee break! (In reality this is a very large cup so guess it counts for two or more…).
12th cup: 03.00 PM: Last squeeze (and cup of coffee) before the day’s work is done!
13th cup: 04.00 PM: Time to leave for home, one more for the road…
14th to Umpteenth cup: 05.00 PM to Midnight: After a full day of work, I managed a full hour of exercise, went grocery shopping and vacuumed the whole house. Albeit I was so perked up from all the coffee I managed to get to bed early (around 2 AM) after cleaning a few closets and taking the dog out three times during the evening for a brisk walk and of course, having a cup of coffee here and there; P
The lesson learned: There is no such thing as too much coffee!
By the way, last time I had my yearly check up at the doctors, the conclusion was: there was far too much blood in my caffeine circulation!
“An alien has landed and photo-bombed the image!” Gun Roswell
One small step for human
One forty-two size shoe on the ground
Is this just an illusion,
Or something profound?
Perhaps a mission to Mars,
Or just a photographing farce?
Let your imagination run wild
Who knows what adventures you will find
On planet Earth
She said, with mirth
“Not without my coffee, ever!!” Gun Roswell
Drag me by my feet
You cannot let me go without my treat
I can’t even make a tweet
If you won’t give me what I seek
I will scream at out of my fullest lungs
Tease me, and I will stick out my tongue
Shout so hard until there is no doubt
I want, need, have to have my coffee
I will not leave
I will not heave
I will not achieve
I will not be
Without my coffee I am nothing
I cannot function or do anything
I am devastated if I don’t drink
Without that wonderful liquid, I cannot think
Not without my coffee
Never without my coffee
See the pattern forming?
Consider this a warning!
Now, gimme my coffee!
Rantings Of A Third Kind 