I really am. the Queen of Fucking Everything

Who am I?
You dare to ask me?
Or are you playing shy?
Or do you task me?

Do you not know who I am?

I am everyone
And I am no one
I know all
Still I am alone

I own everything
And I own nothing
I rule the world
Yet, I rule nothing
I rule your world
I rule you

I am gorgeous
I am sexy
I am marvellous
I am perplexing
Hardly ordinary
I am, extraordinaire

All the adjectives you can imagine
No one quite my kin

I can do anything
I can do everything
I can go everywhere
You can find me anywhere

And don’t you dare
To disagree with me
Or I will give you the scare
For contradicting me

Why?
You ask

The reason is
this simple thing
I am the Queen of
Fucking Everything!

Eavesdropping? Hardly! Simply social investigation!

“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.

“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.

“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.

Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Or the one!” Emma added.

Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.

***

I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.

Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.

“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.

I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.

“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.

“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.

‘Boss, hit, guns?!’

Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.

The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.

“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.

“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.

“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.

She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”

The man just nodded.

“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”

Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.

And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.

Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!

***

Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.

“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.

“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend.
“Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.

Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.

“Guys? I am dying here!”

“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.

“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.

“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”

Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.

“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.

“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.

“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”

“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.

“Hear, hear!” The other two replied in unison.

A little Give and Take?

I told you so, but you never listen!

A “conversation” between two people about everything and nothing as it may have happened.

“You are so thick headed aren’t you!”

“So I’m the one who is the bad guy again, huh?”

“Well you are. There is no arguing about that!”

“So you are blaming me about everything that has gone wrong?”

“Yes, what’s your point?”

“No point. It’s hilarious! You are hilarious!”

“So now you are saying I’m a joke? Is that it?”

“No, I said you must be joking.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“Then there must be something wrong with your hearing.”

“So now you are complaining about my ability to understand you!”

“No, I said you understand things in your own way.”

“Are you calling me stupid? If you are I will show you stupid…!”

“Good grief! Read my lips: You are stubborn!”

“Just because I hear and understand something differently than you, that makes me stubborn?”

“Potato, tomato!”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No.”

“It sure sounded like you were.”

“You heard me wrong then!”

“Again with the hearing! I am not deaf you know!”

“What was the point?”

“What point?”

“Why are we arguing?”

“I dunno. The weather is not so good today?”

“No it’s not. The forecast promised sunshine tomorrow though.”

“Sounds good.”

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

“Ok then!”

“Yep.”

Sometimes an argument is just that. The words are not important. The point of it is, there was no point to begin with. A bad day can cause feelings to run amuck. Venting with someone you trust and then forgetting about it is cathartic.

Complete Caricature Characters

Writer’s note: This is a fictional story. No real character was harmed during the creative process.

A start for the week in the office. We were expecting a new addition to the fold today and not just anyone, it was our new boss. I was sitting at my desk sorting out my inbox when a colleague came by and said:

“Did you see her?” He asked.

“Her who?” I responded

“The new boss, she was just in the coffee area.” He continued.

“She?” I had not realized we would finally be getting a female leader.

“Yes, we have ourselves a new lady boss!” He half joked, but I could see in his eyes he really wasn’t.

The way he had reacted did not sound promising, no, not at all good! It seemed he and the new manager had not gotten along so well.

“Oh.” My short answer.

“Yeah, well, guess it will all turn out good.” He remarked cryptically, having a worried look on his face.

“No, how did she seem to you?” Now I was getting alarmed too.

The idea of having a woman in charge and as my boss had been an intriguing one. However, I would have preferred a nice strong “human” leader and not a queen bitch. Well, men usually tended to have their preconceptions when female leaders were concerned. Therefore I thought it was just his opinion, nothing more. Possibly due to being intimidated by a woman boss. And if there is anything I have learnt, it is to ignore those myself, since people never give good first impressions.

“Yeah. Why don’t you go and get some coffee and see for yourself.” He urged me.

“Yeah, as soon as I have today’s agenda sorted out.” I told him. It was a lie, I had sorted my tasks already and I never said no to more coffee.

I was sitting at my desk doing all kinds of non urgent tasks, procrastinating, buying my time. Finally gathering enough courage, I got up and made my way to the coffee room.

Just before entering the area, I heard a loud and full laugh coming from the area. ‘That was new’, I thought.

I entered and saw the two worst ass kissers in the office chatting up our new department head. Probably sucking up to the boss telling her all kinds of little lies.

I quietly snuck myself into the room and went to the coffee machine, trying to be as quite as possible. As Mr Murphy would have it, I managed to make a loud noise, while reaching for the cup from the fully stocked cupboard. The cup then fell out with an audible sound. I managed to grab the cup before it fell on the floor and broke, hoping not to have alerted the trio’s attention. I poured coffee into the cup and turned towards the table, where my office mates and new boss were standing.

I could not help staring. She was the epiphany of a modern executive. Dressed in a tailored power suit, her dark hair neatly cut in a bob. And of course, she was wearing stiletto heels. I know my jaw was dropped. I looked at myself, dressed casually: Jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. I could not believe my luck! Remember what I said about first impressions? Well I might have been wrong after all.

The new boss lady looked at me, clearly assessing who or what I was. Guess she decided I was safe enough and with an evil grin she said:

“Nice catch!” Commenting on my blunder with the coffee cup.

I was dumbfounded. It took some time for me to gain my speech ability back.

“I was, um, Thanks!” I managed.

“So, what department are you part of?” She asked. Not my name, not a hello nice to meet you. I was getting the sinking feeling my co-worker had been right in his assessment regarding our new lady boss after all!

“IT.” Short answer. All I could manage.

“Oh, so you are the contractor!” She sounded like it was an infectious disease. At least that’s the way I heard it.

“I um (again), yes. I am the administrator for the platform.” Wow! I finally managed to get a sentence out from my mouth.

“Is that a fact.” Her expression was starting to change rapidly and she seemed to be nodding in approval. “I have heard good things about you.” She finally said with a smile.

Once again she managed to surprise me and leave me astonished with my mouth open like a goldfish whose bowl just broke and the water was spilled all over the floor.

“That, that is good to hear.” I managed finally.

She then did the unthinkable thing. She stepped closer, standing next to me, completely ignoring her brown nosing fans and talked to me.

“You and I should have a chat soon. I have some plans for the IT improvements and I would like your input.” She was still smiling while she was speaking to me.

“Great.” I seemed to have so much difficulty in talking with her, my sentences reducing to one syllable ones.

“Excellent! Why don’t you book us an appointment and let’s move forward from there!” She told me.

She then turned around, but before she left, she said: “It was really good to meet you!” And she was gone.

“Good to meet you too!” I was half shouting after her, as she was almost gone.

First impressions, forget them! My new boss and I; I am sure we will have a great and fruitful working relationship after all!

A Short Stroll in the Park

A lovely day for a walk in the park. Holding hands and walking down the long lane with her best friend. The sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom, the birds were singing. Yes, you could actually hear them, it was early Sunday morning and the natives were still sleeping comfortably.

The two friends had the park for themselves to enjoy. Almost, a little farther down the lane, they spotted an elderly woman sitting at the park bench. Moving closer, the couple detected the lady to be knitting. That is when he broke into tears.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Looking at the lady there just made me think of my own future.”

She was a little confused. One minute ago the sun had been shining and now, it seemed, the storm clouds were gathering.

“What are you talking about? Didn’t you and Mark already have your life planned until retirement?” She tried half joking. Knowing her friend, she could easily imagine the plans the couple had laid out for their future the minute they had become involved.

“No, we broke up, last night!”

He was sobbing hard. He hadn’t dared tell her about it sooner, and wished he had not seen the old lady, nor had come to the park. The reason for not telling his friend was, that he really wasn’t in the mood of hearing the ‘I told you so’s in his current frame of mind.

“Oh.” Was her short answer.

“I will be as lonely as that lady over there is without anyone to love me!” He continued through his tears.

She knew this would happen. Mark had been completely wrong for her friend. Biting her tongue and keeping in mind her friend needed consolation rather than her telling him how wrong he had been.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright! I am here for you!” She then put her arms around her friend and guided him to a nearby seat, trying to calm him down with soft spoken words.
The elderly lady had noticed the couple walking towards her.

‘Oh young love’ She had been thinking. And then she witnessed something odd. The man breaking down in tears!

“Well, I never!”

She said out loud to herself and then thinking,

‘In my days people were gay and laughing. We did not air our dirty laundry in public!’

Serially?

“Sweet and soft and heavenly? An odd combo maybe?” Gun Roswell

There is just
something about you
I am in lust
And only for you

I am finding it impossible
to stay away
Highly improbable
Anything would keep me at bay

I lost you
Luckily
I found you

My little bit of Heaven
By sweet sweet
I am up to seven
My one and only treat

My sweet chocolate bar
In a serial package
You didn’t venture too far
When I was tracking

It’s May Day!

“The First of May. also Labour Day, a day filled with noise and balloons?” Gun Roswell

“May Day! May Day!”

The clock blared
As the alarm went off
I woke up with a scoff

“What the F…!”

As this, was supposed to be my day off!

Clearing my throat, with a cough
I quickly got up, in a huff and a puff
Waking, this early in the morning, was tough

I looked at the clock on the wall
Figuring some way, to stall
But the only option, was my ass outside to haul

First view from the window
Did my foggy mind blow
As I rubbed my eyes, little did I know
The only thing I would see, was more snow

What the hell was going on?
I thought May was summer’s dawn
But this plan has one big flaw
The winter has raised its ugly claw

It must have been because of the weather
My alarm clock had made this error
Waking me up early, knowing
I only, could this task endeavour

So now, it was up to me
The land and air rid of the freeze
To bring forth the sunshine and warm breeze
Just had to figure out, how this task to seize!

If I only had powers of magic
I would just pull out some gimmick
But unfortunately, my witchery has a limit

So, for now, I just taped on an image
Onto the window with a view quite idyllic
A summery green meadow,
The warmer weathers to mimic

Back to the coal mines

“Time to go back to work again (it’s Monday after all)!” Gun Roswell

After, 

A very brief rest

You would think, it was the best

And turning back, to the grind

You would automatically new view points out find


Alas,

The time of rest was short

It only took the time to snort

Fun and games had only begun

But that only turned out to be,

Just another evil pun

Airport Life

“If I would never travel again?” Gun Roswell

Queuing, security checks and waiting

Your co-travellers, all halting

Sweating, freezing, even sneezing

Expensive cups of coffee drinking


Children and adults alike screaming

The personnel, nope not them redeeming

So what on earth ever brought me

To the unthinkable screen?

Laundry Day Today (Haiku)

“We are airing our clean laundry out in the public today – surprise?” Gun Roswell

Today, clean and odour free

Pants, shirts and underwear I do share

With the whole family, outside