Stalking is such an ugly word. Let’s call it… social media research!

” *Friend request accepted* Let the stalking begin! “

social


Stalking is such an ugly word. Let’s call it… social media research!

Checking your home page
For the umpteenth time
I must have been in a haste
For no updates I find

Just because
My favourites
Are in the ‘Ks’
And my followers
Are in the nays

You may think
I stink
And am
A
Stalker?
Prowler?
Fan Girl?
Just because my toes curl?

Admirer maybe
From a far of course
Devote
And the Art to endorse
Buff or a Rooter
But not a suitor

I hope you are not offended
As I await here expended
And I’d rather
You called me an other

Name,
Without the blame

A
Researcher
of the Individual

Now,
Why did you not
Answer on the spot
To my ping?

Twitter? What’s going on?

“To tweet, to twat, to what the frack! Too many messages to send, too much time on the internets of things to spend, oh Twitter, thou art a heartless bitch!“ Gun Roswell

Twitter? What’s going on?

Hello!

Hello?

Hello!!!

Twitter world?

Is this thing on?

Can you hear me?

Is there an echo in here?


Testing, testing, testing…

I can see you…

What’s wrong?

Don’t you like me anymore?

Why are you doing this to me?

Did I do something wrong?

Oh Twitter!

I just wanted to say… hello?

So why are you avoiding me?

Sure, my last twat might have been… strong…

I may have said… some things… something wrong…

But hey! 

I wasn’t the only one!

The others did too!

Yeah, I know, I know…

Excuses.

I am  full of them.

But, please, just, pretty please?

Can we still be friends?

Because I don’t really want this to end.

We’ve been good for so long?

And I felt this, well, relationship…

Well guess I thought it was growing strong?

So, I hope you can forgive me?

*only silence in response*

Fine! Fine!

I have a confession to make!

It’s a doozy, a big one for sure to take!

I cannot live without you!!!!

No email today?

“Am I missing out on something very important here?” Gun Roswell

No email today?

The empty box, stating in bold letters “No mail”
No, this can’t be right, do checking once again

“Refresh, refresh, refresh! One more time, refresh!”
Hitting on that circular arrowy button one ore more times more, I confess

But I still get the same defiant message
It’s taunting me to the point of depression

Checking the internet connection, maybe that is the reason
Bringing up the program, watching the speed catching on

A hundred, then two, then more, bringing up the total score
The power, the speed, the search engines, all of it aboveboard

No definitely there is nothing on the side of the World Wide Web wrong
As this invisible connection is definitely very stable and oh so strong

Glaring at the screen, particularly the so called postal box of the internet
Where the electronically delivered communiques usually arrive without get

But it seems, that not for me, not today at least, there will be no sliver
Of any kind of news, any hellos, not one single offer, nothing of sorts, delivered

Am I missing out on something very important?
Am I on the block list for some reason I should not?

The fear strikes then, that of the lack of all that is out there
As the whys nobody anything with me wants to share

Pure torture this is, because I am fearing the worst of sort
That I am no longer liked, as I keep on staring at the blank box

Refresh button forgotten, as I might as well be the misbegotten
Falling into darkness, I fear I have become one of the important less

Almost loosing my mind, the mantra ongoing, “Why oh why?!”
And the the familiar sound of the ding, sounds out from the machine

As I dare to look, I feel the powerful feeling all over and every nook
Of me starts doing a small dance as I am reading, “you have new mail”

A social media inspired song

“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill” Christopher Parker

A social media inspired song

Dancing, romancing
Laughing, prancing
Completely trancing
Time fast advancing

Panic quickly attacks
There is no turning back
Time was supposed to lack
Or maybe I am a quack

I was supposed to do
An essay, story, poem or a few
If I only had the slightest clue
I would not be feeling blue
Right now

Was I procrastinating?
Maybe just contemplating?
Planning my next writing?
Or simply, just waiting?

A simple prompt enough
Not too a difficult task
But if I must, I must
With these words at last

I am not going to be defeated
And this poem is completed

Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!

“Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion”

Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!

“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.

“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.

“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.

Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Or the one!” Emma added.

Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.

***

I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.

Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.

“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.

I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.

“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.

“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.

‘Boss, hit, guns?!’

Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.

The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.

“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.

“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.

“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.

She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”

The man just nodded.

“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”

Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.

And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.

Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!

***

Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.

“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.

“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend.
“Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.

Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.

“Guys? I am dying here!”

“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.

“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.

“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”

Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.

“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.

“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.

“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”

“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.

“Hear, hear!” The other two replied in unison.

social

Some Social Media Bullshit

Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

Eavesdropping? No, just socially investigating! for Throwback Thursday

Posted in Throwback Thursday

“Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion”

Eavesdropping? No, just socially investigating!

“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.

“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.

“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.

Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”

“Or the one!” Emma added.

Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.

***

I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.

Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.

“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.

I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.

“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.

“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.

‘Boss, hit, guns?!’

Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.

The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.

“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.

“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.

“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.

She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”

The man just nodded.

“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”

Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.

And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.

Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!

***

Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.

“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.

“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend.
“Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.

Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.

“Guys? I am dying here!”

“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.

“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.

“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”

Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.

“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.

“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.

“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”

“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.

“Hear, hear!” The other two replied in unison.

social

Some Social Media Bullshit (BEST OF 2016)

Posted in BEST OF 2016

Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

batman-hates-social-media

Some Social Media Bullshit (TBT)

Posted in the Throwback Thursday weekly series
Poetry, photography, tales and things that nature!

“Connecting people – The artist formerly known as Nokia”

batman-hates-social-media

Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

anti-social-media

Some Social Media Bullshit (Repost for Blogging 201)

‘Connecting people – The artist formerly known as Nokia’

27b1c2cdef8246d2f895bba44cc14f97

Some Social Media Bullshit

You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!

Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!

* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one
* Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am
* Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right?
* Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P
* Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop!
* You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!

A typical modern person’s day

@In the morning
The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up.
What is the first thing you do?

#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:

A) Check your social media apps
B) Check your email

@Driving in the car to your place of work.
Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:

#uploadfunnypic

A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you).
B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.

@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:

A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!)
B) Updating statuses on various social media apps.
C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite).
D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table.
E) Everyone watching the video.
F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.

@Coffee break everyone is:

A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume.
B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.

Back home from the office.

@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:

A-F apply here too.

@Midnight, bedtime:

A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”.
B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.)
C) Twatting everyone

#g’night!

Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.

Wishing your spouse

#sweet dreams xoxo

Lesson learnt:
Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.

social-networks2