“To tweet, to twat, to what the frack! Too many messages to send, too much time on the internets of things to spend, oh Twitter, thou art a heartless bitch!“ Gun Roswell
“There are always things on the to-do list pending, always!” Gun Roswell
Too much stuff to do, too little energy to do it!
Chores, tasks, gigs, jobs, whatever you might them wanna call, they seem to be of an endless supply, but, never one to shy away from a challenge, still, where is the time for it all, and should I care any less?
The planner always full, with something or another to do, never the time for rest, even for the best, not that I am claiming to be one, but it would be nice, at least for once, to have a completely empty desk with a cleared up calendar!
So, guess I will do nothing to day, as there is just too much there, I would not even know where to begin, and hey, if it is a sin, to just slack for a day, then fine, I am a mega big sinner, so go ahead, on me, lay all the blame!
In a galaxy far far away To the dark side you may stray Because you just wanted a holiday A little weekend escape With the stormtroopers parade Just stay in the shade
But after hanging out with Vader He would surely be the traitor Hogging all the toilet paper And sending you to meet your maker You realized sooner or later …It was time to flee this theatre
Back on track with team Yoda, Or these days, even Baby Yoda I may be missing the scotch and soda Laying lazily on a soft sofa But soon it will be time for yoga And later on TV some Oprah Who said I could not fill my quota!
Happy Star Wars day to one and all! And may the Force be with you, always!
“There is something to be said about people living their very lives, taking on every adventure, seeking out new things, until their little hearts sing – I hate the lot of them, so sue me!!!“ Gun Roswell
Before there was a Dare Devil, but only the Devil remains
I used to be a Dare Devil, now, I am just a plain ole Devil
Cursing loudly, dooming all those daring venturers to the very pits of hell
Wherever they might just dwell, they know whom they area!
So, with that note, yeah, they will so go far, never minding what this ole Devil had to say.´
Just because they have all those dreams left in them, making them towards their destiny sway
Wanting to take a swing on the tallest branch and then dive into the great unknown without any qualm, doubt or whatever is needed to just do whatever their little rotten heart desires
Supposedly the fire within, and to inspire them to move along with their stunts and what nots.
Yeah, I might have been one of them, once, but not any more
What remains is the bitter punch, and that even is totally a chore to achieve
As once you have left that spicy spirit leave?
Well, there is nothing but bitterness, which will let the broken heart heave
“It’s Monday again folks! Better buckle up tight, because we are in, for a rude ride!” Gun Roswell
Monday – not again!
It is far too early, in the bloody hours of the morning, as I keep on yawning Rolling, out of bed, even if, I should have stayed, under the warm covers instead My head, is a total mess, and I am slowly but gradually beginning, to feel the stress Of yet another week beginning, and no, I am so not, any kind of ballads singing The signs were all there, in plain sight, just yesterday, all day long, I am fearing For this day, to once again, come around, was it unexpected? Not really Because for sure, I knew all along, it was lurking there, behind, the closed doors Snoozing the alarms, going to hiding, trying to keep on the snores No, nothing really ever helps, so, this is it folks! And no, no more of them jokes! This is serious business and we all, need to start a rebellion, nay, a revolution! To ban this day for once and for all, and never, ever again, should anyone feel small When standing, against this, very big, hairy monster of a thing, on this, day Where most of us, or at least some of the more sensitive people, feel like they are slain By, this, fire spitting dragon, with the sharpest of teeth, as it is coming, to existence Each and every single week, and right after, that perfect, slow paced place, no resistance left…
Alas, the weekend is now gone, and I am standing, sad and totally alone, dreading Fearing, shaking, my pants almost peeing, but, with hands so sweaty, but I am nearing My sword raised high and without even a hint of a smile, I am going to face it once again- – Monday!
“I like people, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes, well, they are really too much“ Gun Roswell
The antisocial me
This time of seclusion, combine that to extreme weather, the heat more importantly, with the never off turning sun? The seasonal joys of supposed fun? Well, at this very moment in time, when others are enjoying the heat and having some fun. What do I do?
Lock the doors, pull down the curtains and dim all possible lights! Never ever leaving the house and keep as quiet as a mouse, just in case, someone had decided for my companionship to chase. Even if it is not the best of time, then again, it never really was.
You see, I enjoy my own company, my own time. Having to make absolutely no excuses for not dropping by anyone who otherwise would guilt trip me for not being the team player and the social one. Because guess what I found out. That I am really not!
The time of discovering the truth, how bad and unexpected, even unacceptable as suspected, but the thought of going outside into the world wide and facing the people, the sun, doesn’t appeal anymore and is certainly no more fun. Yeah, I said it, loudly, you feel stunned?
I have finally faced the side, which I had to hide, the antisocial me, but now, here she is!
“We are all born naked and the rest is Drag” – RuPaul
It’s A Human… No, It’s A Drag Race after all!
This is Ixavier Lasloth coming live from the Galaxy near you!
Our news team is currently orbiting a small bluish rock in the farthest corner of the known universe. We are here to observe the supposedly dominant occupants of this planet they have named “Earth”. These people seem to be involved in something called the “human race”, although as to where and when the race will take place is still unclear.
We are here to observe the ritualistic behaviour of this particular species, whose skin colour is varying from a pinkish hue to darker brown shade or sometimes even red. Some of them are covered in a thick fur like layer, while others remain neutral and satisfied in their original skin.
We are in disguise to avoid any panic our strange appearance may cause in the inhabitants.
Upon closer inspection, we can clearly detect at least two distinctive sexes, but there may be more.
Although most of these creatures seem to be content in their existence, some of them rebel against the existing norm. These individuals have ventured to live their lives with their own set of rules and formed tight knit groups and living off the radar. These “outsiders” worship their heroes in an almost religious fashion.
This exceptional behaviour is the reason, why this reporter landed on this forsaken rock and decided to have a closer look.
After making contact with some of these “radical groups”, we were fortunate enough to get invited to observe one of their many rituals. The core group and their followers call themselves “De-rag Q-ueens.
We were invited to observe their masking ritual, reserved for the most elite individuals of the group. The “males” as we got to know them were performing an age old ceremony named the “drag race”.
Observing the ritual to a fault, there is a strict regime to follow:
The first step is to apply a thick layer of paint on the face. The next step is to add a head piece, which seems like a construct of some sort of animal hair. These headpieces come in every imaginative colour of the rainbow. To complete the transformation, a garment weaved with glittering items is pulled over the top half of the body. The feet are covered with footwear constructed from a leathery material and with an added feature, which seems to give the wearer more height.
When the total transformation from “male” to “female” was complete, it was time to “put on a show”.
The Q-ueens lined up and started walking in orderly fashion on what seemed to be a structure of wooden planks they had named the “cat walk”. A rhythmic beat followed by electrical lights flashing caused the Q-ueens to start producing sounds from their throats causing melodic sounds coming out from their mouths. This ritual was of a repetitive nature, where the melodies and sounds varied depending on the individual performing them. The “show” continued and the partakers managed to change their attire several times over before the ceremony was over.
All in all while observing this religious ritual in all its glory, this reporter found oneself caught in the moment; cheering and applauding at the end of the ceremony, which luckily was the accepted social convention.
While trying to get more in-depth information as to what the origin of this particular ritual was, I was fortunate to interview one of the elders among them. And the message, quite clear and directly quoted:
“We may be born naked, but surely the rest needs to be drag” In this reporter’s opinion, this may be one of the more successful stories of Earth.
Until next time, this is Ixavier Lasloth, signing off!
“Sometimes I listen to strangers’ conversation and mentally give my opinion”
Eavesdropping? No, it’s just socially investigating!
“By George we made it!” Emma shouted in victory.
“I thought we were lost there for a moment, but here we are. And all in one piece!” Marc added dusting off his jacket.
“Too bad we lost George.” Emma was feeling sorry for the poor guy.
Marc looked at Emma and with a sad voice answered: “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.”
“Or the one!” Emma added.
Marc hugged Emma as they were standing, both looking into the distance, thoughts on their lost comrade.
***
I was on my way to work, when I stopped by the coffee shop. Waiting for my order I glanced around the place and noticed three intriguing characters in the farthest corner table. Two men and a woman, obviously deep in conversation, planning something from the looks of how they were positioned. Huddled together, serious yet fierce expressions on their faces and looking like they were plotting something.
Being of a curious nature, interested in all human relations, I took a few steps closer, trying to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about.
“This has to go down today!” The woman said loud enough for me to hear from my position.
I was hooked. I inched even closer and secretly hoped my order would take a while to complete.
“Did you check the weapons, made sure we have enough ammo?” The other man asked from the one sitting opposite him.
“All checked boss! I also added an extra ingredient, just to spice things up! Can’t wait to see the other guys’ faces when they get hit!” He responded with a smirk on his lips.
‘Boss, hit, guns?!’
Some kind of heist or mob hit in the planning I wondered. I was shaking a little. The threesome sitting around the table did not look like robbers or mob members, rather like nerds or students. But never judge a book by it’s cover.
The woman then took something out from her bag and laid it on the table. It looked like a map of sorts.
“Are we all clear on our positions at the final stage.” She was pointing at something on the paper to the others.
“What if I change my stance here rather than here.” The other man asked the woman and the one he had called boss.
“No!” The woman raised her voice again. Clearly the other man had been wrong about who the real boss was.
She then continued, “No deviations! We will all stick to the plan as agreed before.”
The man just nodded.
“Excellent!” The woman responded, “Now as to the next…”
Her voice faded to the sounds of new customers coming in to the shop. A loud soccer team had just entered the premises and I could not hear the threesome’s conversation.
And then, my name was called out from the counter. My order was ready.
Pondering whether to ignore it and try to stay a while longer. Then again, it would look suspicious, if I would stand there with my coffee and bagels in my hand. Reluctantly I decided to leave. Maybe there was something in the newspaper tomorrow I could read about. After all, I was no detective, nor law officer. Just an eavesdropper on her way to work!
***
Emma and Marc were standing at the top of the hill holding their guns. They had finally won a battle.
“Poor George!” Marc was looking down at his friend, laying non moving down by the bushes.
“He was brave, right to the end!” Emma credited his fallen friend. “Guys! A little help, please!” A voice shouted from below.
Emma and Marc looked at each other. Then started their way down the hill. They reached their destination and remained standing there, neither making an effort to help.
“Guys? I am dying here!”
“Well, it’s your own fault!” Marc told him.
“Yeah, you failed to follow the plan and got hit. Right in the forehead no less!” Emma berated him.
“Sorry, guess I should have cut back on the doughnuts!” Was the response of the fallen man, “I felt the energy draining away from me as I was running after you guys.”
Marc offered his hand to his friend and helped him up.
“George, you are a mess. You have paint all over your face!” Marc looked at the dirty face of his friend who had been hit by multiple paint pellets.
“Well, our team still won!” George replied with a big grin.
“We sure did George, we sure did!” Emma patted George on the back, “Thanks for taking one for the team!”
“Now, let’s go and celebrate our victory! Donuts anyone?” Marc added.
You don’t have to like it, but have to be in there: The social media of the world wide web. After all, who wants to be a complete social outcast!
Here are a few examples of what can be used for keeping in touch with family, friends and even your favourite movie stars!
* Assbook: Like opinions, everyone has more than one * Angstagram: I post photos of myself and my eating habits, therefore I am * Bitter: You would be too if no one is following you, right? * Benchpress: For every self aware blabber, but more artistic ;P * Tiedup: A must for professionals, endorse endorse endorse until you drop! * You-boob: You did something stupid, maybe flashed a body part usually hidden, it got on video and uploaded on the internet and now you are the star of your own show!
A typical modern person’s day
@In the morning The alarm clock is going off, it’s time to get up. What is the first thing you do?
#Pick up your phone from the night stand and:
A) Check your social media apps B) Check your email
@Driving in the car to your place of work. Listening to the radio and the DJ is urging you to snap a photo and upload it to their site:
#uploadfunnypic
A) You are snapping selfies and almost bumping into the car that stopped in front of you. (The other driver possibly doing the same thing as you). B) You are twatting your social media buddies of what you just did.
@Lunch time everyone with their phones in their respective hands. Not one word is spoken to anyone ‘live’, but they all are:
A) Chatting (and oh yes, there are actually office use approved ones too: Yank!) B) Updating statuses on various social media apps. C) Uploading photos of what they ate (of course, a must for every self aware social medialite). D) Someone shared a funny video and twatted the link to everyone else around the table. E) Everyone watching the video. F) Everyone twatting feedback to each other.
@Coffee break everyone is:
A) Uploading photos of coffee and doughnuts they will consume. B) Chatting with the people around the coffee table.
Back home from the office.
@Dinner table the family is sharing a meal and their respective day:
A-F apply here too.
@Midnight, bedtime:
A) Time to recap today’s event in your “blab”. B) Latest friend updates to be checked (so not to miss any important things such as what your friends ate or what they were watching on TV, etc.) C) Twatting everyone
#g’night!
Sometimes though, you have to be more low tech. For example in the situation, where your respective spouse is not quite on the same level of enlightenment regarding the social conventions of the social media as you are. Then you have to resort to archaic methods like the SMS.
Wishing your spouse
#sweet dreams xoxo
Lesson learnt: Getting anything done; 3% is talent, 97% is staying off the internet.
Rantings Of A Third Kind 